Holiday Follies

As expected, I had a fantastic trip home.  Way, way too short, as I flew in on Thursday night and left Sunday night on the red-eye back to DC.  I feel like I'm at that point in my life - and maybe because I don't see my family often enough, so it takes a little longer for us to get sick of each other - that I don't feel like a few extra days would have resulted in too much of a good thing.  For maybe the first time that I can remember, there were no big fights or annoyances or issues between any of us.  We all just got along.  Kinda feels like my brother and sister and I are growing up.  Sorta. Because, let's be honest, we spent a lot of the time playing video games.* 

And drinking.  And sitting around telling stupid family jokes and laughing so hard we cried.  To be honest, the closest we got to a fight was trying to figure out who was going to be the designated driver for Christmas Eve dinner at my uncle's house.  With 6 adults and a driveway full of mostly sedans, we figured it was inevitable that two cars would be required.  And then, my brother made the ultimate sacrifice and declared that we could all squeeze into his truck and that he'd gladly ride bitch in the front.  A Christmas miracle! 

We then proceeded to hold happy 3-hour around my parent's dining room table, as my Dad mixed up raspberry martinis for the girls (my Mom's new fave and really, who am I to argue? Those things were delicious).  Somehow, we eventually managed to get all 6 of us into my brother's truck.  He didn't even have to sit in the middle - apparently his goodwill had inspired enough joy among us all, so he got a coveted window seat.  And while we might have looked like a clown car unloading at the circus when we pulled up to my uncle's house, it was definitely a good time.  Let's face it - Christmas as an adult is more fun. 

The weekend was full of hijinks like that, and as I mentioned already, without the typical holiday family spat that usually accompanies our get-togethers.  We seriously just had a good time, enjoyed the company, and reconnected.  Of course, this all meant that I cried more than I typically do at the airport, but I also realized how much I truly do miss my family and how I need to either visit more often or find a way to move back to San Diego in 2011.

After my short trip home, I found myself back in DC during ghost-week.  While a new job means very little vacation time available and I spent all week reading twitter feeds of folks still away from the office and with family, wishing I could still be in San Diego, there was something nice about having DC to myself.  At lunch, the sidewalks were filled with more tourists than office workers, and I managed to snag a seat on the Metro every morning and evening.  All-in-all, the week wasn't too bad and I gotta say, it's been a good end to 2010. 

*  We bought my parents a Wii for Christmas.  I'm waiting for the bowling trophy to be engraved and sent to me to hold onto for the next year. 

It's Beginning to Look a Lot like Christmas ...

Well, I tried the Scrooge thing for a bit, but I'm happy to report that my bout of the winter blues seems to have subsided.  At least for now.  (Like any smart woman, I reserve the right to claim it has returned, without notice, at any given point.)  I'm just simply happier the closer we get to Christmas.  I really do love this time of year.  So I thought I'd make a list of my favorite things about this season.

1.  The Tree.  Like I've mentioned before, I seriously love staring at the little twinkly lights while curled up on my couch.  Exponentially better with a cup of hot cocoa, a bowl of buttery popcorn, a movie on the tube and my man to snuggle with.  Actually, that's all good any time of the year, but something about the tree makes it all feel so much cozier.

My tree!

2.  Rosy Cheeks.  As much as I hate the icy cold wind we've had lately, I do love how my face looks when I step in from the cold.  My eyes are shiny and bright and my cheeks are flushed.  Who needs makeup when you've got that?!?

3.  Christmas Lights.  It doesn't matter where they are, I love looking at Christmas lights.  When I was a kid, we used to pile into the minivan and drive around to look at all of the lights in our town.  I swear my Dad got more excited than we did, searching for the biggest and brightest display.  When I started dating The Dude, we did the same thing together during our first Christmas. There's something just plain magical about driving around in the dark, holding hands over center console and ooh'ing and aah'ing together over the really good lights.  Yes, it's totally sappy, but seriously romantic, too.

Last week, The Dude took me on a White House tour so that I could see the Christmas decorations.  In all my years spent in DC, I had never seen the White House at Christmas, so I felt like that was a little magical, too.

4.  Catching up with Friends and Family.  Sadly, I haven't been "home" since Christmas last year.  I saw my Mom in September in Phoenix, but I haven't seen my Dad, brother or sister in a full year.  I'm SO freaking excited to get together with everyone.  (Ohmygosh.  I just realized that it's been even longer than that since I saw my brother, since he spent last Christmas in Missouri with his girlfriend.)  I miss them so much.  Every. Single.  Day.  It's always hard for me to go home, because I spend time after I leave questioning why I live so far from home.  With The Dude leaving in March, and me considering that it might be time for a change, I expect that those questions will be a little more poignant this year.  But regardless of that hangover, I love how the holiday season brings us back together with family, encourages us to catch up with friends we haven't seen or spent enough time with recently.  It's like the tree - it's just a warm, happy feeling.

5.  Giving Gifts.  Don't get me wrong, I love getting gifts, too.  But I really love the anticipation of watching someone you love open a gift that you know is going to make them happy, the smile that spreads across their face when they realize what it is, and the hug or kiss that comes next.  When it comes to your significant other, and you really hit the nail on the head, that look in their eyes when they see how well you know them - priceless.  In that way, I mean that it's more about the connection, not about materialism.

And speaking of gifts, it's so great when people get out and volunteer and help out more this time of year.  Granted, we should be doing more of it all the time, but there is so much need at this time of year, so it's great when others can help out with that gift, even if it's just a gift of time.  Two Saturdays ago, I joined in with thousands of volunteers to help lay wreaths at Arlington National Cemetery.  It was one of the most rewarding things I've ever done, and I felt privileged to have heard about it in time to be able to join in and participate. Definitely the type of volunteering I'm going to resolve to do more of in the new year.

So, since I'm writing this while covered in a snuggie, with the lights twinkling on my tree at my feet, and The Dude sitting next to me watching Monday Night Football, I'm feeling pretty content right now.  Hoping all the warm-and-fuzzies get me through the week - celebrating Christmas with The Dude on Wednesday and flying home on Thursday.  (Oh, and did I mention that home is sunny San Diego, with unseasonably warm temps lately?  Yeah.  Can't.  Freaking.  Wait!) ...

My Inner Scrooge

Ok, I'm back.  Ready for some Scrooge.  (We can all thank the lady I sat next to on Metro this morning who insisted on leaning her arms on me while reading her newspaper.  She put me in a FANTASTIC mood!) 

So, 'tis the season everywhere we look.  And in general, this makes me happy.  Once Thanksgiving is over, and not a moment before (because seriously, that's way too freaking soon for Christmas music on the radio or seeing my neighbors tree through his window or my coworker sucking on candy canes every five minutes), I'm ready to put up decorations, break out the Christmas cds, work through my shopping list, and relish getting home each night to turn the lights on the tree before I even bother feeding the cats.  It's just a cozy time of year!  And it's a good thing, too, because Christmastime turns me into a hermit.  

It's the only way to survive this time of year.  Venturing out to Target on a Saturday is basically the same as asking your local pimp to backhand you with his set of brass knuckles.  It's no bueno.  Apparently, everyone else who has been living in seclusion the remainder of the year decides to join the rest of the world in shopping at Target this month.  (Or the mall, Best Buy, or anywhere else that sells anything.)  And since these people are socially inept, it's super fun to have them all in the same place at the same time!

Naturally, because all the normal people who are used to their regular Target routine are 10 degrees of pissed off about this invasion of the video-game-playing-zombies, they are super cheery as well.  Let's not even get started on the parking lot situation, suffice to say I'm surprised when I don't see stories about parking lot murders on the news each night.  I'm stating a well-known fact:  there's no such thing as "Christmas cheer" or "spirit of the season" when you try to shop outside your home in the month of December. 

I'm not one of those people who can just blind myself to these fun people and go about my business, completing my shopping and even picking up a new pair of booties for myself.  (Sure, maybe this is a flaw and maybe I'm "too sensitive," but I like to think that I'm in the elite 2.7% of the population that's actually aware of their surroundings, novel as that may be.)  It gets under my skin.  So I get all kinds of bent-outta-shape when I have to interact with these people.  I don't actually enjoy being pushed and jostled and shoved without an "I'm sorry" or "excuse me" even considered, let alone uttered.  (For the record, as far as I'm concerned at least, saying one of these things cures the offense.  Although I still don't understand how saving those 11 seconds by getting yourself in front of me is really that important.)

So here's my recipe for surviving the shopping season:

1.  Stay home.

2.  Shop online.  (Even without free shipping, you're saving the time, gas, hassle and potential arrest for assault of that bitch who runs into you with her cart and then pretends to not even notice.)

3.  Get the tree decorated, and turn it on often.  Staring at the little sparkly lights is as good as being at a spa, I promise.

4.  Only leave the house for events that involve alcohol.  (And work, I guess.)  Have one before you go to ease the pain of getting there. (Ok, except maybe before work.)  Take public transportation.

5.  If you have to brave shopping malls, strip or otherwise, this time of year, get it done early in the month.  Or drink first.  Then take public transportation.  It's safer for all of us, in so many ways.  Trust me. 

Fa-la-la-la ... *sigh*

Ok, I'm going to say something shocking.  Something I'm sure you're unlikely to read anywhere else on the interwebs this month.  Ready?  I. LOVE. CHRISTMAS. 

Yep, sure do.  Big surprise, right?  Although it's trendy to be all Scrooge McDuck, I think most of us are more likely to be shocked when someone says they don't like Christmas.  I mean, what's not to like?  More excuses to eat, drink and be merry.  Gift giving and spending time with loved ones.  Snuggling up in front of cozy fires, laughing over old memories, trying not to kill each other after 52 hours straight of together time ... All good times, seriously. 

But I do have a confession.  I haven't blogged in awhile, because, well, I've just been feeling blah.  A lot of it has to do with recent developments, I'm sure.  Because I'm not one to get the winter blues, usually.  And since I've been feeling blah, I've been trying to avoid blogging, because I was afraid it would get all bitter and whiny and who wants to read that!  And we're supposed to be happy this time of year, and want to spread cheer and joy and love ... and yeah, fuck that. 

I'm just gonna keep it real.  The Dude is leaving in three and a half months, and while I love this time of year in general, it sorta sucks this year.  Because everything is our last _____.  And I'm putting all of this unnecessary pressure on myself.  Like, have to make ____ perfect, because it's our last one.  Try not to fight or bicker about anything, because you don't want him to remember you that way.  Wait, stop obsessing over all of this stuff, because you're just supposed to be enjoying your last months together. 

It's a constant monologue in my head, on repeat, and it's exhausting.  I feel like a failure just admitting this, because I know I should be able to turn it off and just enjoy the time we  have left.  Most of the time, we really do just that.  We've been taking time to do things on our list and just spend time together.  But I'm type-A, to the core, and so I can't turn off these voices 24/7.  Every once in awhile they sneak in.  Lately, it's been through my dreams.  After we woke up this morning, I just cried while he held me.  He knew it was because I was upset and thinking about him leaving, but I didn't tell him that it's because I've been tortured by sad dreams lately. 

So, as my little form of self-therapy, I've made a decision.  I'm going to relish (relish, I say!) in complaining about the shit that drives me nuts this time of year.  I think it will be good to get my frustrations and worries and aggravations out there, on another topic.  Maybe I've just been spending too much time trying to make everything perfect, and being afraid of what would happen if I let myself vent a little.  Something's gotta give, and I'd rather it not be my sanity.  So at the risk of being one of those people who complains during the happiest time of year, I'm just gonna fake it until I make it.  I was going to start with a list here, but this post is getting a little long already.  I'll be back soon, to unleash my inner Scrooge!