Duuude (hahaha, I just made myself laugh really hard with that) -
I know we've been dating for quite some time now, and sure, maybe this would have been helpful back around, say, month six, but ... better late than never? Anyway, especially with Valentine's Day approaching, and in hopes of avoiding a repeat of the Debacle of 2010 (don't ask, people), I've put together this handy little guide. It's like my owner's manual. What makes me happy and keeps me happy. If you want to send me yours, that would be fantastic, too. Actually, I would probably post it here. Ok, here goes.
Kiss me on the forehead and tell me I'm beautiful. Seriously, this fixes almost everything. When you think you're doing it too much? Do it more.
If you think I look sexy, tell me. It's never cheesy and it never gets old, I promise. (Especially if you throw in a "ggrrr" from time to time.)
Do something to surprise me, every once in awhile. You know I'm a planner, but that doesn't mean it's ok to say, "I don't have to plan anything, because you're so good at it!" I like feeling romanced, and knowing that you took the time to plot, plan and prepare something for us is romantic to me. I don't need flowers all the time or extravagant, expensive dates. (Yes, I'm obsessed with watching The Bachelor, but I still realize that's fantasyland.) But little things matter. I know you love me and I know you care about me, but showing it wins you major points. With women, it really is the thought that counts. Particularly with this woman. Even if it just means stopping to pick up a pint of ice cream when you know I've had a super wretched day. (Come on ladies, you know this counts as planning!)
Holidays matter, cards matter. This one should be written on a little piece of paper, laminated and carried in your wallet. I'm not fussy and I don't require expensive, fancy gifts. However, you will be walking into a nuclear war if you don't show up with a card. I'm just being honest here. Hell, you don't even have to spend money on the card - handmade is WAY better, anyway (I'm not trying to say I want you to be cheap, just that I'm not high maintenance, of course!). Again, it's the thought that counts.
Ok, maybe I lied. I might be a little high maintenance. On special holidays, like my birthday, our anniversary and (to an extent, even though it's a over-the-top holiday, I still don't want to be the girlfriend who has to proclaim that it's an over-the-top holiday to cover my disappointment over not celebrating it. I want to be just like the other girls, and be spoiled with love on this day!), yes, Valentine's Day. So yeah, I expect a little something on those days. You know me well enough to know I don't like roses and I don't need over the top crap ... I just don't want to feel like you forgot the day, that's all. Seriously, it's the thought that counts. (And not thinking, aka forgetting, is very, very bad.)
Fix things for me. Take out the trash sometimes. Offer to take my car to get the oil changed. (Ok, I actually don't have a car, but you get the point here.) Sure, I can do all of these things myself. But sometimes I want to feel protected and looked after, too.
Listen when I talk, talk when I listen. (This one you should probably tattoo on your palm.) Girls are emotional creatures. We like to nurture and be nurtured. And most of the time, we do this through conversation. We want someone to listen to us when we talk, even if we're prattling on about that girl at work who always looks us up and down when we run into each other in the bathroom. We feel connected to you when you listen to us. And we feel even more connected to you when you tell us stuff, too.
And, ya know, just for good measure, it bears repeating ... tell me I'm sexy. Walk into the kitchen when I'm cooking us dinner and kiss me on the neck while you tell me things smell delicious. Smack my butt when I bend over to pick up your dirty socks again. Tell me I'm beautiful, especially first thing in the morning. Drag me back to bed for an extra kiss when I try to get up for the shower in the morning. Kiss me on the forehead. Tell me you love me. Tell me you love me, while kissing me on the forehead. Tell me you love me.
Thank you for humoring me and reading all of this, babe.
(For the record and for anyone who doesn't understand that this is satire, The Dude is a bonafide, confirmed Unicorn. Nine times out of ten, he does all of this without needing to think about it. We certainly would not have lasted this long if he wasn't already such a good man.)