Fashion Friday: Leggings Are NOT The Same As Pants

Wiser women than me have blogged, tweeted and shouted from the rooftops about this rule in the past, but since the message still seems to be missing a wide swath of our female population, I figured it could use a refresher. 

LEGGINGS ARE NOT PANTS. 

Seriously, if you are reading that and saying, "well, actually ..." or "but ..." you are definitely WRONG.  Leggings are NOT pants.  Yes, it's super comfy to wear them around the apartment with whatever else you like, but whenever even your toe is stepping out in public, you need to get this under control.  If you are going out in leggings - and by leggings, I generally mean anything that hugs your booty so tight that nothing is left to the imagination AND has no pockets or zipper - you should adhere to the following rule:  wear a tunic-length top with them.  There are absolutely no exceptions to this rule.  Not even based on the weight, size or height of the offender.  If they show every outline of your lower body anatomy, it needs to be covered up.  It's not flattering.  On ANYONE. 

Personally, I think this rule also applies to gym wear.  If you are wearing true leggings - meaning, they are tight all the way to your ankle - you should wear a shirt that hits at least mid-hip, even when at the gym.  Even with running TIGHTS.  Even if it's a slim fitting fleece pullover, it should hit at least below your waist if you're planning to venture out to bounce up and down in those things.  (Yoga PANTS, with a flared lower leg and ankle, are acceptable with other tops.)  (Are we all noticing this handy little trend, with the name of these items?  Okeydokey then.)

Furthermore, leggings are of a certain material that distinguishes them from other types of hosiery.  (Really, the fact that leggings are sold in the hosiery department should be a big enough clue as to how they should be worn, but whatever.)  They are not opaque.  Heavy but opaque hosiery = tights.  Lightweight hosiery = pantyhose.  Recently, a friend of mine reported that she saw a girl in Forever 21 wearing tights as pants.  Yes, they had a "control top" area (for all you non-Spanx wearing ladies, that's the upper-thigh-and-above area, which is a darker, less opaque material), and yes, this area was completely visible.  She was wearing a short top.  I'm not really sure how I would have reacted, had I seen this myself.  I'm fairly certain an audible "gasp" would have been involved.  My friend was too shocked and appalled to do much else, herself. 

If this is all still a little confusing (in which case, you shouldn't be allowed to even shop in stores with these "expert level" fashion choices, but I'll keep trying anyway), I direct you to Kat Storm's handy little rule:

PANTY HOSE are not TIGHTS.  TIGHTS are not LEGGINGS.  LEGGINGS are not PANTS, and as much as you might like to be, YOU ARE NOT LADY GAGA.

For serious.

Finally, that brings me to jeggings.  This is a confusing area.  They look like skinny jeans, because they have pockets and zippers.  But they fit almost like leggings.  The difference here are the back pockets.  They help disguise and flatter any unneccesary oversharing that goes on back there with leggings.  But I think it's worth mentioning - with jeggings, like skinny jeans, discretion is the way to go.  If you sincerely look in the mirror and say, "oh hells yeah, my butt is rockin' these!" and then get a similar compliment when you head out in them, you're good to go.  If you think the former, but don't receive the latter?  Rethink the former.  And if you look in the mirror and say, "well, it's trendy, so I guess this is how it should look"?  Take them off and put on some proper bloody pants. 

Please spread the word.  Unlike the coat tack issue, it's really inappropriate for me to start handing out cards to the offenders ("Excuse me, I can see too much of your ass. Please remedy accordingly.")  

She's Just Not That Into You

I've realized lately how much we - as a collective blogger-verse - detail, discuss and dissect our relationships with the love interests in our lives.  And don't spend nearly as much time talking about our friendships and our other complicated relationships. Today, I'm turning the tables a little:  the title of this post refers to a female friend of mine.

I've never been one of those girls to sink into a relationship black hole when I meet someone, forsaking my female friendships to spend all my time with my main man.  The Dude and I are actually really good about maintaining personal time - he gets together with his guy friends on his own, whether to grab a beer or play some ball, and I make sure to spend time with my girls, shopping, gabbing, shoe shopping, drinking, outlet shopping and eating.  Usually, if I'm begging off a night out with friends, it's more because I'm a total homebody and simply love a night in on the couch (or am just exhausted), rather than because I want to hang out with The Dude instead.  But even during the rare week when I don't see any of my girl friends, we're always talking.  I think it's super important to maintain those individual relationships, so long as The Dude and I maintain that our relationship with each other is a priority.  Yes, he's my best friend.  But he's not my only friend.  And all friendships - really, all relationships - need nurturing. 

Now, I'm not a perfect friend.  Occassionally, I do cancel on someone (see homebody nerd reference above), but I try to make that a very rare occurrence.  And if I'm going to cancel, I try to give plenty of fair warning (especially to my single girls, who always have a much more jam-packed schedule and could get upset if they're left without time to make alternate plans).  One of my close girlfriends has spoken about the importance of never cancelling on friends.  She has said that, especially after ending a recent long-term relationship and needing to aggressively reinsert herself into the social scene, she felt it was crucial that she was trustworthy and could always be counted on to follow through when she gives her word to be somewhere. 

I think this is exceptionally admirable, especially in a time where people go so far as to formally RSVP for big events, like weddings, and then just don't show up, sometimes without even a call ahead of time.  I wish I could have a more flawless record, like my dear friend.  (Somehow, she's also miraculously understanding, even when others do cancel on her.  She's a social saint!)  And I do strive to be more like her, especially knowing that I will depend on those times with friends even more so in the months ahead, once The Dude heads West.

And since I'm not without flaws myself, I understand that, ya know, shit just happens.  Occassionally.  Not every single time.  And this brings me to the title of this post:  if a friend constantly cancels, especially at the last minute, for reasons that seem easily foreseeable, does it simply mean she's a flake?  Or is she just not that into you, as a friend?

This is a hard one for me, and it's obviously something I still struggle with.  If this were a man one of my friends was dating, and he cancelled on her last-minute every time they had plans ("Sorry! Got slammed at work."  "Shoot, I've just had a rough week, can we reschedule??") I wouldn't hesitate to conclude that he's just not feeling it, but isn't man enough to just say that.  But when it comes to a friend, there's so much more to take into consideration.  Life does get busy, and we know that we can push things off with our friends, expecting them to understand and forgive, and stick with us. 

I guess just like the girl who isn't seeing the obvious signs of disinterest, but eventually sees the light, the antics of the finicky friend eventually get old.  And in direct contrast to my saintly friend, you eventually realize that these finicky friends might not be so trustworthy after all.  Because when it comes down to it?  I don't like being the friend you think you can always cancel on.  Even if you do it to everyone.

The Dude and I Go Steady

The Dude leaves in 9 weeks.  Everyone I know has told me to just focus on having fun together and try not to think about him leaving.  To which I say, "HOLY SHIT!!!!!  Brilliant idea!"  As if I hadn't thought of that myself or hadn't already made that my goal, ever since we got his departure date.  But, it's always easier said than done.

Writing about how we met recently was a lot of fun for me, though, and I think helps me to really focus on all the good times we've had and spending these last couple of months making more good memories.  So I've decided to start blogging more about my favorite moments in our relationship.  To maybe share a little more of what makes us, us. 

As I mentioned before, when I met The Dude, neither of us was looking for anything too serious.  At the same time, I think we both recognized that we had a connection.  I know this is going to sound so clichéd, but when we talked and hung out, it just felt comfortable, like we'd known each other for years rather than mere days or weeks.  But I think without the pressure of making something happen between us, we were able to just have fun together without a lot of the anxiety that can eventually develop, like I'd experienced in the past.  I didn't feel like I had to worry about having any talks or figuring stuff out - we were just merrily cruising along, enjoying what we had.  Maybe that's why it sorta caught me by surprise when The Dude wanted to have the talk.

I think I've mentioned before that The Dude has a big, fancy job that often requires him to travel for about a week at a time.  He was added to a travel team shortly before we met, but was only on his second such trip a couple months into our relationship.  Two years later, we're pretty good at slipping into "trip mode" and adjusting our schedules and communication when he's away.  But we were just getting used to it back during this the early stages of our relationship, and on this particular trip.

A couple of time zones away, he had been working until almost 10 pm my time.  When he called to chat that night, he was heading out in his rental car to find food.  I could tell right away that something was up - The Dude was nervous.  He was really chatty.  We had built a lot of our relationship through email and telephone, mostly because of our competing work schedules and casual nature of the relationship, so The Dude was more skilled than the typical man when it came to telephone convos.  But this was an abnormal level of chattiness.  I could tell he had stuff to say.  So, I shut up and let him talk. 

Two years later, I don't remember the exact words he spoke.  I remember him rambling a little and being nervous.  Telling me how much fun he'd been having since we met.  How he knew neither of us expected this to turn into anything, but that he couldn't help that he was feeling that he wanted things to get more serious.  He told me he was a little old-fashioned, and wanted to know that we were a couple, that we wouldn't be seeing other people, that he could officially call me his girlfriend. 

Sigh. 

When he finished talking, he was still driving around, aimlessly, still in search of food.  He just drove and drove while he talked.  Maybe in hindsight, that wasn't totally safe driving (whatever), but it still gives me a big smile to think about my cool-under-pressure boyfriend being flustered like that. 

Of course, I agreed.  How could I not?  I was feeling the same way, but trying to constantly remind myself that I wasn't ready for something too serious.  It felt good to have him admit it first, to validate my feelings, to prove that it's ok to take things slow and let things develop naturally.  And as a woman, it just feels so damn good to have a man who steps up to the plate and takes the relationship by the balls. 

It was intimate and sweet and one of those moments you just keep to yourself and think about when you need a rush of girly giddyness.  Two years later?  Still gets the job done.

Fashion Friday: Sunglasses, Not Just a Summer Accessory

Argh, I can't believe it's been a whole week since I last posted!  Flew by.  Anyway, with my post last Friday, I decided I'd try to start doing a little "Fashion Friday" 'thang.  Not wanting to fail right out the gate, here's short post to count for today! 

I'm sure this has been the case for the entire 13 years I've lived in this area, but I guess I've only really latched on and noticed it over the last year or two.  As soon as people in this area put away their flip flops and shorts, the sunglasses go into storage with them.  I don't understand this!  Yeah, it's cold enough out that I swear even polar bears must be like, "damn, it's a bit chilly," but I swear, the sun does still shine in the middle of winter in DC.  Fewer totally clear days, yes, but the light reflects off of other things and still causes you to squint.  So even when it's somewhat cloudy, I still find myself reaching for my sunglasses.  Sometimes I want them just to protect my eyes from the wind, whipping around street corners and sending lovely city debris straight into my corneas.

And seriously?  If I pay $200 for the things anyway, I'm going to wear them more than 5 months out of the year! 

If you think I'm exaggerating, take a look around you the next time you head to work in the morning or step outside for lunch.  Not many sunglasses around, and plenty of fools working hard to deepen those creases around their eyes.  It's not a good look.  Trust me, it's ok to wear your sunglasses in the winter.  They're not used just to protect your eyes from heat.  They are SUNglasses.  See?  Sun still shining.  Put 'em on. 

Fashion Friday: Winter Wear Tips

Back during the fall-to-winter transition, I blogged about some of the common mistakes (at least as I perceived them) women were making while struggling to switch over to their winter wardrobes.  One commenter suggested I make this a regular topic, so I've been wanting to blog about it again since then.  While I've already talked about my biggest winter fashion pet peeve - the tacked coat (gasp!) - I've still got plenty I can bitch about.  So, here goes. 

A few tips for dressing your best when the temperatures plunge, and ... stuff I see on the streets that makes me want to chase you down and turn you towards a shiny mirror or other reflective surface:

1.  The Non-Winter Coat:  Now, I'm not really talking about the "fashion" winter coat, which at least looks like wool or something warm (but is doing nothing, all-the-same, to fend off the frostbite from your arms and torso).  I'm talking about the girls I see wearing a cotton trench when it's 30 degrees out.  This is just ridiculous.  I know you think that coat makes your waist and ass look fab, so you want to wear it every day that you can ... but you're really losing the effect when you have to wear three layers of pants just to keep yourself warm under that thing.  Repeat after me, please:  Season appropriate.  That's a good start.

2.  Chiffon and Other Summery Fabrics:  I feel like I've given this sort of advice before (oh wait, I have) but if it doesn't look like winter, you shouldn't be wearing it.  Maybe that doesn't make sense to everyone.  What I mean, by way of example, is this:  tweed is great for winter; chiffon is not.  If it's too light and airy and looks like something that would keep you cool in the sweltering heat of summer, it's meant to be worn in the summer.  With only a few exceptions (that should be left to the non-fashion-rookies among us) you can't just add a thick tight and a chunky boot and make that light-colored floral, swooshy skirt work in January and February.  You just can't.  There are some dark patterns and heavy fabrics that will work for this, but if you're questioning it?  You're probably doing it wrong.

3.  Argyle Socks with Heels and Ballet Flats:  I know I might catch some flack for this one, because technically some people will tell you that this is "fashionable" ... but I'm here to be straight with you.  When you pair SOCKS with your flats and heels, you just make your foot look frumpy and fat.  If, on the other hand, you choose a smart argyle-patterned tight or trouser sock (in, say, a gray and black scheme with your gray or black or red or gunmetal shoes) you're on the right track.  I'm tired of seeing pink and white argyle socks shoved into a black Tory Burch flat.  Blasphemy!

4.  Bare Legs:  Ok, maybe I'm starting to sound like my mother with these "practical" fashion tips, but really, you should think of them more as "how not to look like a deserving honoree of the Darwin Award."  If it's 20 degrees out, put something on your damn legs.  Even if you're wearing a dress or skirt with tall boots, it's too cold at this point to leave that inch or few of skin exposed.  Find a nice nude fishnet or something similar if you want the "skin" look, but don't be that dumb girl who has to get drunk enough for her legs to feel numb just to survive the walk home after your date.

5.  Frumpy and Drab:  I know because it's winter and it's cold out, we just want to bundle up, be comfy, and go into fashion hibernation until warmer weather approaches.  And I fall into this slump, too.  But it's fashion laziness and we have to fight it.  Whenever I start to feel in a rut, I spend 30 minutes or an hour trying on and putting together some new looks from my closet.  And just because it's cold out doesn't mean we're relegated to overly-chunky, shapeless sweaters and a repertoire of black and gray.  Colors like winter, too!  Just stick with bolder, deeper shades, like purple and kelly green or cobalt blue.  In figure-slimming v-necks and shape-hugging sweaters.  Winter can be sexy!

While I hate the cold - and especially the wind (seriously, constant cold wind blowing on me makes me want to get violent with the nearest passerby) - winter is fun because we get to add so many accessories to the mix.  I recommend a seriously great coat, something with a flattering shape, sassy details and in a color like camel or grey that will go with everything if you can only afford to buy one; a quality pair of leather or other heavy gloves, again details are what make them fun and unique; and a warm scarf, preferrably in a color that makes your eyes pop.  If hats are your thing, try to match or compliment your other accessories, but my personal fave for winter is a fun pair of furry earmuffs.  And of course, you can never own enough fabulous boots.

Happy Winter, ladies! 

Hot Potato!

It's been awhile since our first visit to Hot Potato Cafe in Penn Quarter, but The Dude and I loved it so much that I knew I had to blog about it when I recently came across the old pics on my phone.  We visited on a rainy weekday in September, and the place was packed even then - I can only imagine how busy they must get now that we're in full blown, cold-weather-comfort-food mode.  Perfect time for a baked potato.

When we first stepped inside, we noticed how small their space is.  It's mostly just a walk-up counter with a couple of small tables and a bit of room to shuffle around to fill up a soda and wait for your order.  We were planning to eat in, so after we gave our order, we snagged one of the small tables and waited.

And that's when I noticed that the place is patronized almost exclusively by women.  Other than The Dude, I think we only saw two other men the entire time we were there.  With the slightly cramped space and all the shuffling and excuse-me-sorry going on, this place is a great find for that baked-potato-loving man who also wouldn't mind bumping into a lady he might take out this weekend!

At around $10 for a topped potato and drink, the prices here might seem a little steep.  But the potatoes are BIG and the toppings, generous.  The Dude tried the "Fully Loaded" and I went with the "Artichoke-Poblano Mix."  In addition to a twice-baked potato with the insides scooped out, mashed and put back in the skin and then topped with your choice of butter, sour cream and the other toppings you've selected, you get a nice little side "salad" and sliced veggie garnish with your order.  Suffice to say, we were both FULL by the time we finished.

The walk-up counter gives you a nice view of all the available toppings and the fresh ingredients they'll be adding to your order.  They also sell a couple of salad, sandwich and wrap options, but the potatoes are the real draw here.

A close-up of my Artichoke-Poblano Mix.

The Dude almost growled at me when I made him pause mid-potato to snap a pic of his.

Taken by a friend on a recent visit.  Hungry yet??

Verdict:  A little pricey for lunch, but a fun alternative to the typical sandwich and salad options that abound downtown.  We'd definitely go again.  And bachelors, don't forget the single-lady-factor!

How We Met ...

It's a jungle out there.  Err, scratch that.  It's a full-blown friggin' nightmare out there.  While only a couple of my in-real-life friends are single, even more of my "blog-friends" are single and looking.  And I know from listening to their tales of dating debauchery, disaster, and disappointment that nothing has changed from the time I was last in the dating pool.  In DC, even with lowered standards (the ladies on Twitter have taken to discussing the search for an eligible man, settling on "tall, employed and actually single" as the only necessary attributes and yet deeming such a man a Unicorn, nonetheless).  Some have even questioned, as Mary El did recently in her blog, how I managed to score happy-coupledom.  And so I thought I'd share the quick, sweet story of how I met The Dude.

After recently ending a long-term, serious and seriously dysfunctional relationship, I was in full-blown summer fling mode in June 2008.  I had been in a relationship for far too long and was at a point in my life where I was pretty sure I didn't even want to get married at some point in the future.  So I was certainly not in the market for a relationship that could be defined in any certain terms.  Flings were fine, though.  And The Dude was pretty much in the same place in life when we met.

I was in a Starbucks over near the White House for a mid-afternoon pick-me-up.  It was hot and sticky outside, in typical DC-summer-fashion.  I had already decided to treat myself to a blissfully icy frappuccino, foregoing my usual iced-grande-skim-vanilla-latte.  I was on a mission to get coffee and head back to the office and had total caramel frappuccino tunnel vision.  I didn't notice anyone who was near or around me.  I placed my order, hesitating when the barista asked whether I still wanted whip with my order.  A voice behind me jumped in, goading me with a, "Go for it, there's no fun in 'no whip'."  Usually, something like this might illicit a gee-thanks-but-mindyourownbusiness smirk from me.  But when I glanced back at the man behind me, I couldn't help but laugh in amusement at the charming smirk looking back.  I turned back to the barista and requested the whip, and as she gave me my order total, the man behind me jumped in again, saying, "Actually, could I buy your coffee for you?"  While a little flustered, I agreed.  He copied my order and we stepped over to wait for our drinks and started chatting.

I don't believe in love at first sight and won't overwhelm your ick-quota by pretending it was like that.  But I definitely believe in connections at first sight, and I had one with this tall, dark and handsome stranger.  He was wearing a shirt and tie, with his sleeves rolled up to his elbows.  And he was confident, witty and intelligent.  Looking back, I was probably a goner as soon as he offered to buy my coffee.

We actually took our coffees outside to sit on a ledge in the shade, since inside was packed.  We sat on that ledge and chatted for nearly an hour.  The conversation was easy and comfortable. I tend to get shy around new guys that I like and am pretty sure I never learned how to "properly" flirt, so this was kinda a big deal to me.  And actually, The Dude is shy in the same way - in fact, speaking up in line was something totally out of character for him, as he later told me.

At one point he asked me if he could take me out some time.  And at another point, he leaned over and kissed me.  (Now remember, I was in "fling mode" so there was nothing wrong with this from my perspective.  In another frame of mind, I would probably have thought this was a little too forward, to kiss a stranger I just met, without the involvement of alcohol or cover of night.  Just kidding, Mom!).  Anyway, he had been polite and a gentleman as we sat there chatting, so I was ok with the kiss.  Definitely ok with the kiss.

From there, the rest is pretty much history.  He took me to lunch the following week, and we started seeing each other fairly casually.  Eventually though, we were emailing all day long, every day and seeing each other regularly.  Down the road, he would be the one to move things along at each step, to define our relationship and suggest that we see each other exclusively.  I always think about my relationships of the past and how it always felt like I was trying to make things happen along the way.  It's funny how, when maybe it really is right, it just works, all on its own, in spite of any pre-conceived notions you may have had.

All those things you hear when you're single, that cause you to roll your eyes and give an exasperated sigh?  ("You'll meet someone when you stop looking!"  "When you know, you know."  "It just feels different when you meet the right person.")  Seriously, it all made a little more sense when I met The Dude.  (Stop rolling your eyes at me!)

And honestly?  I'm really glad I didn't turn around and give him my patented bitchy glare when he spoke up.  ;)

My Obligatory New Year's Post

Now, I've only been blogging for a couple of months, but just like Twitter, Facebook and any other random-online-social-media-thingy, I know that the obligatory New Year's Post is part of the game.  And since I like to play by the rules (ha! right, but it sounds good, no?) here's mine.

I've heard a lot of people bitching about 2010, but I gotta be honest - it was a pretty good year for me.  Now that I'm undeniably in my 30s (year 30 is still on the cusp, but I turned 31 this year), I just feel like my life has calmed down a little.  Of course, I have a zillion-and-one goals I still want to meet but if you have everything you want in life at 31, you're not reaching high enough.  It's something I never understood when I was in the full-of-emotional-piss-'n-vinegar-stage of my mid-20s (and probably more accurately, something that annoyed the shit out of me when some sanctimonious older woman told me I'd eventually learn), but you just learn not to take life so seriously as you get older.  You learn to live and let go and just enjoy the moments.  I know it sounds simple enough in theory, but there's just some switch that flips when you get a little older.  And I like it.

I feel like 2010 was the first year where that all just fell into place for me, and left me feeling content.  Sure, 2010 still had plenty of ups and downs for me, but given my -ahem - penchant for drama, I suspect that will always be the case.  But I feel like I spent 2010 loving and being loved, as much as I possibly could.  All of my personal relationships have been fulfilling this year - friends, family, and of course The Dude.  I really became comfortable just being myself and not giving a damn if anyone (well, most anyone) liked it or not.  I know that sounds a little ridiculous, because it's something I've said for so long ("I'm happy with myself and I don't care what others think of me") but 2010 is really the first year - for me - where I felt like that was the absolute truth.

Even blogging was a big part of that.  I always wanted to be an attorney and have been a little depressed to realize that I don't love practicing law now that I'm doing it.  But reading and writing have always been a passion and even if it's just some tiny little corner of the universe, this blog helps me feel like I'm finding myself again.  I've made like-minded friends here, too, which is something I never expected when I started to blog.  Mary El and DateMeDC, who I've already met in person, and Bourbon Toddy and Jane, who I hope to meet in 2011.  Seriously, all of these women are super cool - and wear great shoes, natch! - and it's been fun to find that little community.  (If you don't already read their blogs, check 'em out asap!)

I'm not big on sharing a big list of resolutions by which I might be judged for success or failure at the end of the year, but I do have my own personal list that I keep in mind.  In general, I ended 2010 healthier than I started it, and I want to continue that.  I want to finally move from practicing law with a big firm to the federal government in 2011, because I think a lot of quality of life issues will fall into place with that move.  I am hopeful that my love life will be as happy in 2011 as it was in 2010, but I'm ready for the challenges I know I will face when The Dude moves in 12 short weeks.  (Maybe "ready" is a little strong.  Basically, I'm hoping not to completely fall apart emotionally! Ha.)  And I want to figure out where I want to live, whether to decide to stay in DC for a couple more years or to move back to San Diego or somewhere else in the West sooner rather than later.

But most importantly, I resolve to wear more of my fun, fabulous shoes instead of only my comfortable faves, not let dieting keep me from eating cake from time to time, and find more ways to smile, even when that douchebag on the Metro shoulder-checks me first thing Monday morning.  ;)

Hope the New Year is being good to each of you so far!  Any big resolutions for 2011?