Fashion Friday: Spring Transition Tips

Soooo, apparently it's that time of year again, when we transition from one season to the next and a heckuva lot of people can't figure out what they should be wearing.  I picture these people standing in front of their closets each morning, a baffled expression wrinkling their foreheads, thinking, "Shoot, I only just figured out what I should have been wearing all winter, and now I have to do spring, too?  I bet it's ok if I still just wear my winter stuff, no one's gonna notice."  I NOTICE!  And I'm not ashamed to say that I mock you.  Or mostly, just shake my head in disappointment.

Now, I know the weather has been tricky in DC lately.  I mean, we got maybe 2.75 days of spring before we dove right in to summer, and it's not even Memorial Day yet.  Not even close.  Correct if I'm wrong, but I've lived in the DC area for over a decade, and this seems like unseasonably nasty weather for April.  I remember summers where I wasn't even sure if it would be warm enough to lay out in a swimsuit over Memorial Day weekend, but the weather here lately has been so hot and muggy that it feels more like June than April.

But still.  There are some simple rules that even this finicky weather can't complicate:

1.  No more tweed.  I kid you not, a girl in my office was wearing brown tweed pants on Tuesday.  I think on Tuesday it was so hot that my bra was soaked through with sweat after my three block walk from the metro.  There is no freaking way I would wake up in the morning and say, "Hey, this really hot and itchy fabric sounds like it would be super fun to wear today!"  I mean, tweed is almost exclusively a fall and winter fabric, so that alone is reason to pack it into the back of the closet in April.  But in 85 degree, 90% humidity weather?!?  I seriously don't get it.  If this is something you would consider - don't.

2.  No more suede.  Put away the suede bag (unless it's a bright spring color) and the suede boots and suede loafers.  Definitely the suede and leather coats.  They go into storage until fall rolls around again.

3.  Put away the tall boots.  Honestly, in this weather I'm trying to find ways to expose as much of my skin as possible without looking like a hussy or begging to be fired.  I don't understand why anyone would want to encase their legs in leather.  It really just looks silly when most girls are commuting in flip flops and sandals and you're marching around in tall leather boots.  You're not the one who's doing it right.

4.  Wool sweaters look silly.  If you still feel like you want to wear heavier tops, that's ok.  But switch to cotton, a more season-appropriate fabric.  If you don't, you're just going to smell bad.  It's simply not possible to walk around in this weather, wearing a wool top, and not sweat.  Wool doesn't breathe like cotton and it retains more moisture than cotton.  So you're basically just wearing a sweat sponge.  Gross.

5.  It's still too soon for some things.  Like white pants.  (And definitely white linen pants.)  I know this is tough because it feels like summer outside, but it's just not yet.  You can get away with some white stuff, like a sundress that's mostly white or patterned with a white background.  But things that just scream summer - like linen pants (goes for men as well) and white eyelet skirts or the full seersucker suit (also a man rule) - need to stay in the closet for a couple more weeks.  You'll have plenty of time to wear all of those things once we actually get to summer.  Don't rush the season!

I know sometimes it can seem like transition dressing is a pain in the butt, but try to think of it this way:  it's a great time to show off your fashion chops and find fun ways to mix and match your wardrobe.  Pull out your favorite black dress from winter and pair it with a bright cardigan and some fun, dangly earrings.  Instead of tights and boots, wear it with bright flats or some peep-toe heels.  Or loop a fun, colorful scarf around your neck with your go-to white button down and black pencil skirt. You don't need to go full-blown summer, but it's time to take a few steps away from winter and incorporate some color and lighter, looser fabrics with barer legs and arms.  Have fun with it!

And if anyone sees a girl out there in a tweed skirt and tall boots, snap a picture and email it to me.  I know there's one of those girls out there somewhere today!

Family Matters

In the weeks after The Dude left, I've not only had the support of my amazing friends, I had plenty of good, quality family time, as well.

As I've mentioned before, I lost my job right before The Dude left, so I had a bit of time on my hands. My younger sister, who I usually only see at Christmas, was out in Charlotte for work for almost 3 weeks and was staying in a giant two-bedroom apartment.  She had been urging me to come visit, and on a lonely bus ride the Tuesday after The Dude left, I decided I would do just that.

Flights were still a little pricey, so I decided to take the train.  I didn't have any schedule to worry about, so I could afford to spend 9 hours on a train each way. I decided to go down on Thursday and come back on Monday.  I hoped the time on the train would be therapeutic, too.

The train ride down was tough.  Not quite as romantic and wistful, rolling through the countryside, as I had imagined.  I had too much time alone with my thoughts, something I had been trying to avoid. But by the time I got to Charlotte, I was just looking forward to hanging out with my sister.  We planned to eat and shop our way through the town!

And that's exactly what we did.  We found some amazing little places to eat, including Price's Chicken Coop, home of the best fried chicken in the South.  We ate there at 11 am, stuffing ourselves with fried chicken, hush puppies, tater tots and $.75 sweet tea.  We laughed ourselves silly over the fact that when my sister ordered an extra side of hush puppies (we're from San Diego, ok? Hush puppies are a novelty to us!), the lady warned her that they'd be an extra dollar.  A whole dollar!  And they gave her a big bag full of about 23 frickin' hush puppies!  Needless to say, we loved that place.  Cheap, fried food and true southern charm.  Can't get much better.

Of course, the trip ended just before we were about to kill each other, I suspect.  So that was good.  The train ride home was less fun, packed full of teenagers and air conditioning so cold that I felt ill.  But I made it home in one piece.

Three days later, my dad arrived for a visit we had planned for awhile.  For years, as long as I have lived in DC (ahem, 13 years), my dad has been saying that he wanted to come out for the cherry blossoms.  We just hadn't made it happen until now, but my mom and I were determined to get him out here for it this year.  The trees were at full bloom a little earlier than he arrived, but that was ok. We went down to the tidal basin that Friday before the rain arrived, snapping pictures and enjoying how quiet and peaceful it was, without the masses that flock down there on the prime weekends.  When we started to get cold, my dad insisted we grab some hot cocoa before walking back to the car.

It was a lovely time.  And my dad was touched at seeing something in person that he had always wanted to see.  It reminded how important the little things in life are.

Earlier that morning, we put my cat down.  It was something I never could have done on my own, and I was so grateful to have my dad there with me.  And he was probably the best person to be there.  My dad hates to see me cry and I know that, so we shed a few tears and then worked on having fun the rest of the weekend.  I was sad, but I didn't wallow in it, and I think that was important to getting through all of the sadness that was piling on top of me, without letting it drown me.

We ate lots, too!  After the cherry blossoms, we headed up to Eastern Market - my dad wanted to eat at Tortilla Cafe, after seeing it on an episode of Diners, Drive-ins and Dives.  After lunch, we stepped over to Eastern Market and grabbed desserts to go - a canoli for me and an eclair for my dad.  We promptly returned to the car and then ate them right there.  So much fun.

We also went up to Baltimore to see a double header at Camden Yards, walked around the Inner Harbor, ate seafood and kabobs (on different evenings), hung out and watched movies together, and even replanted the pots on my balcony and hung a bird feeder.  I rarely get to spend time with just my dad and it was the perfect weekend together.

And truly, I know that my sister and my dad helped me get through those first few weeks and I probably couldn't have done it without them.  I'm a lucky girl.

Girl Friend Therapy

As I've been finding my way through the last couple of weeks, I've been reminded more than ever how important female friendships are.  Because, when life is really murky and the shit gets deep, your girlfriends are always going to be the ones to gather around you and help you through those tough times.

The day after The Dude left, a Saturday, my girl friends were there for me like rock stars.  I didn't spend much time in my apartment that day, at least not alone, and I think that I'm the better for it.

I started out the morning at the Junior League of Washington's Tossed and Found sale.  When I found out that this event was literally steps away from the entry to my apartment building in the underground of Crystal City, I was so excited to attend.  I had been peeking in on the preparations in the week or two leading up to the event, lingering at the doors on my way home from work in the evenings, and trying to get a feel for what type of items they would have for sale.  On one particular evening, I looked in to the "accessories" room and saw a Louis Vuitton damier tote hanging on the far wall.  When I relayed this info to my LV-obsessed fellow Crystal City-ite, she declared that we needed to be there the very second the doors opened Saturday morning.

The "accessories room" was actually the "designer room" as we found out, but when we went into the room on Saturday morning, we were disappointed to find that the damier tote was already gone.  We were the first ones there that morning, but there had been a $45 per ticket preview the night before.  We guessed it was sold then.  In general, I found the designer room a bit disappointing.  Not many of the items were truly "designer" and there were several fakes in the bunch.  All the same, between the accessories room and the huge main room, I came away with a couple of good finds.  Even better, especially after being laid off that week, I only spent $21!  Perfectly reasonable shopping therapy.

Cute straw tote, fun and colorful scarf, pile of books and earthy little decorative bowl!

Later that morning, A Single Girl came by my place to give the Tossed & Found sale a look-over.  I was happy to tag along for round two, and she found a super cute set of kitchen canisters.  After chatting a bit - about boys, natch - we started to make our way downtown to check out the cherry blossoms.


The blossoms weren't yet at full bloom, but they were beautiful nonetheless.  We stopped to fill out postcards for the troops, and sat by the stage for a bit while waiting for What Jane Wore to meet us.  Once we wandered down to the tidal basin, we found a perfect spot at the edge of the water.  We sat with our feet dangling over the tidal basin, the sun shining on our faces, and just chatted for hours.  It was peaceful and serene and comforting, and I couldn't have imagined a better way to spend the afternoon.

Later that evening, I met up with a group of six or seven girls for dinner on U Street.  We chose JoJo's - a place none of us had tried before - and were pleasantly surprised by the yummy food and even yummier drinks.  Their menu boasts multiple "rum yummy" drinks, with fun names like "Voodoo Juice."  Our time down at the tidal basin had left me a little sunkissed, so I tried a delicious "Sunburn Martini."  We laughed and ate and just felt happy.


Even later that night, there was dancing and singing and more happiness.  Of course, The Dude was always in my mind.  Part of me feels guilty, because I know The Dude is doing this alone, amidst a move to a new city.  But I know he'll make friends and will be ok ...  and I feel so lucky knowing that I have girlfriends like these.  :)

Fashion Friday: I'm back!

Hey y'all!  Turns out I couldn't stay away long.  Mostly because the warmer weather is FINALLY here in DC and all I want to do is shop and sit outside at lunchtime to people watch.  Lunch hour is like a fashion show!  And really, in DC lately, it's not all bad.  People are stepping up to the challenge with the spring weather, and I think it brings out the best in most of us. 

(Of course, about one in every 5 spring coats I see has a coat tack still in place, but I am learning to just take deep breaths and resist the urge to yell out "coat tack" every time I see one.  And as an aside, whenever I do say that, I am reminded of Cutting Edge and "toe pick"!  It makes me giggle.)

So I totally have the shopping bug lately.  Even though I'm excited to pull all of my spring and summer clothes out of the back of the closet and start in on putting together some new transition looks, the change of season in general just always has me itching to run to the mall.  I've learned to try and make a list of 5 or so top things I want for the new season, in order to keep me organized, but also to keep my spending from getting completely out of control.  So here was my list, before the season really got rolling:

1.  A perfect khaki trench.  Believe it or not, I don't have a khaki trench.  I usually get caught up in fun spring colors (I have spring coats in kelly green and bright coral, for example) and never get around to buying a khaki trench.  I've been looking for awhile and just haven't found the perfect one for me yet.  I thought I had this season, when I bought a great number from Land's End (now on sale and sold out in the khaki), but was ultimately disappointed when it arrived.  It was cut well, and the belt hit at a good spot, but what I really want in a great trench is construction that kinda stands up on its own.  I don't want a heavy weight material, but I want it to keep its shape.  It's a tough balance to hit, so I'm still searching.  QVC (I know, saying that out loud just makes me sound about 73 years old) has a cute Isaac Mizrahi number that I'm still considering.

2.  Gold flats.  I've come to seriously appreciate how great silver and gold shoes and handbags can be.  They are the perfect neutral, and help to keep things interesting and fun.  I found a great pair of bronze open-toe flats when I was in Charlotte recently, and I decided they fit the bill.

Random pic I took to send to The Dude after I bought them, per his request.  Awww.

3.  Silver flats.  Ditto for the above.  And I found my favorite Dr. Scholl's flat in silver at DSW recently!  

Same for this pic.  Notice the slight toe cleavage!  I love good toe cleavage.

4.  A yellow handbag.  I've already recounted this whole saga with y'all and you know I found a great bag.  Here's what it looks like again, for a refresher.  



5.  The perfect maxi dress.  I've been searching for a long time, ladies.  I am busty and curvy, so this is a tricky one for me.  I tend to stay away from long dresses and skirts in general, because they don't tend to flatter my shape, but I so SO want in on the fun maxi trend.  I know maxi skirts are big this season, but the maxi dress is here to stay, too.  I recently found a great black and white floral maxi from INC at Macy's that I am stalking for it to go on sale, but what I really have in mind on this list is a perfect black maxi.  Something I can play up with accessories in many different ways (gold and bangly one day, turquoise and silver another) for different looks ... And I'm still on the hunt.


I'll probably add to this list a little with some trendy pieces when I decide what I want to go with for the season.  I'm going on Sunday to pick up a fun accessory piece I recently ordered, that I'll blog about soon, and I know it will be a great addition to my spring and summer ensembles.  And I've picked up a few little accessories over the last couple of weeks that I know will get a lot of use in the coming months.

So, really, it seems like I should have this shopping bug out of my system by now, right?  Pssh ... whatever.

A Sassy 32

I feel compelled to apologize for my sad and slightly over-dramatic posts lately ... but then I remember, "It's my blog, and I'll cry if I want to!"  That said, here's a post that I drafted a few weeks ago and have been meaning to post:


Back in mid-March, I had a birthday.  You might remember me freaking out about finding outfits for the weekend celebration.  I’m happy to report that both outfits – night out with the girls on Saturday and Sunday with The Dude – turned out well.  On Saturday, I wore a black and white fitted dress with simple jewelry and fun makeup (more on that later).  On Sunday, I wore the dress I first showed you here, and just threw on a navy boyfriend blazer to fend off the slight chill in the air that day.  When The Dude saw me in my birthday getup on Sunday, he declared I was “gorgeous”, so I felt pretty damn good about myself. 

On Saturday night, I had dinner with a small group of close girlfriends at Saint-Ex, followed by drinks at Marvin and dancing at Policy.  As we pulled our hair off our sweaty faces at Policy, Mary El declared:  “We should do this dancing more often!  We’d lose so much weight!”  I smiled and laughed and sipped more at my raspberry stoli and sprite and screamed like a teenager when the DJ put on some Britney.  It was a great night. 

On Sunday, I lounged around and enjoyed the morning, deciding that I could get used to this getting-old-business. (I’m 32 now.  Thirty-fucking-two.)  Eventually, The Dude and I got dressed and went out for Mexican and margaritas (my faves!) in Crystal City, saw The Adjustment Bureau and stopped off at Baskin Robbins for double-scoop cones.  Honestly, it was simple and comforting and one of the best birthdays I can remember. 

And then Monday morning came.  I woke up and could barely open my eyes, they were so swollen.  They had been a little puffy on Sunday morning, but it was my birthday, damn it, so I used a cold pack on them in the morning and put on some makeup to cover up the damage when I went out later.  But there was no covering anything up Monday morning.  I freaked out.  I eventually called an urgent care nurse and answered a million questions before she decided that it was likely just an allergic reaction and that I should just use cool packs to comfort my skin and wait for the swelling to go down.  The culprit?  New makeup.  See, I decided to be all silly and get my makeup done at Nordstrom's giant beauty event on Saturday, opting for Trish McEvoy.  A friend joined me.  Once she and I touched base on Monday, I found out that her eyes had swollen up, too.  Apparently, Trish McEvoy really isn't worth all that money.  Or at least that's my verdict.

But really, I'm just glad that it was an allergic reaction and not some freakish bellwether for old age.  

Fashion Friday: Taking A Break

Just wanted to put up a quick post to say that I'm taking a break for a bit.  I put one of my cats down this morning - I've had the two of them since they were kittens and Bailey recently started deteriorating rapidly. I'm kinda drowning in sadness with this and everything else going on, and just need to take a break for awhile to get my bearings again.  I landed a temporary gig that I start on Monday and am looking forward to throwing myself into work and using it as a distraction for a bit, hoping it means that things are starting to look up.  

Y'all are on your own for Fashion Friday for now, but I think I've taught you well enough that you can make it for a couple weeks.  

Take Care and I'll be back soon.

Questions

I've gotten lots of questions - here and in real life - about what the hell The Dude and I are doing.  As much as I'd like there to be, there are no easy answers.  But here is what I can tell you:

He has moved to Texas, for a new assignment at a new base.  It's a rapid-deployment base.  The unit he is scheduled to be placed with (which he won't know for certain for certain until he officially checks in on April 10) is deploying very soon to Afghanistan.  An alternate unit he might be placed with is scheduled to deploy soon, as well.  The Dude has been lucky enough to have never endured a full 12-month deployment to Iraq or Afghanistan.  He has been over to the big desert, but only for a couple of weeks at a stretch.  He won't be that lucky with this assignment though.  Because he is going to a rapid-deployment base, for the most part it's not really a matter of if he will deploy, it is a matter of when.

This is all important, because it instills a whole fucking lot of uncertainty into our relationship, if we were to try to continue it.  And continue it how?  Long-distance, between Texas and DC?  Me moving to Texas, with no job there?  (I did look, for awhile.)  And if I did manage to find a job in Texas, get myself admitted to the bar, and move there, I'd have no friends or family in the area, just to be alone in a couple of months when he deploys ... for a full year.  While The Dude is a high-ranking NCO, and therefore wouldn't be "on the front lines" or anything like that, any deployment is scary.  It's also incredibly tough on any relationship, being apart for that long with very limited means of communication.  I mean, really.  Would you recommend this to a close friend of yours?  I'll be honest, I sometimes get frustrated when people act incredulous about us breaking up, because I wonder whether they think about how difficult it would be to stay together, how hard that would be on each of us.

We simply were not yet at a point in our relationship where we could make a bigger commitment to each other.  And we weren't willing to put ourselves through the damaging nature of a long-distance relationship or the possibility of me moving 2,000 miles for him, just to spend a year without him, starting over in a new city.

We are staying in touch.  He is my best friend, and we both want to find a way to preserve our friendship.  It's already difficult, and in these early stages it's hard to distinguish our current situation from a long-distance relationship.  It's not like we could just flip a switch from "boyfriend-girlfriend" to "just friends" as soon as he left.  We're working our way through things.  But seeing how hard this is and how easily the lines can be blurred, I know that we are making the right choice, to avoid hurting one another more deeply down the road.

I know that not everyone understands or agrees with our decision; I think especially because my friends can see how much love remains between us.  In some ways, it makes the breakup easier.  It's a matter of circumstances and timing and life sucking, but at least it's not because someone stopped loving the other or someone cheated.  At least we are able to continue talking and help one another through the process.  That's the hardest part of a normal breakup - the sudden halt in communication, as if the other person has simply died.

And ultimately, I know myself.  I know that I cannot emotionally survive a long distance relationship.  And The Dude has his own reasons, which I would never share on his behalf here.  We know ourselves and we know our relationship and we know that this is the right choice ... for us.

She Hurts

Beep, beep, beeeeeep!

“Uggggh,” she groans as she rolls over to turn off the alarm.  It still sits on “his side” of the bed, and as she reaches across that empty space, the pain and heartbreak come rushing back.  She exhales and falls back against the pillows.  It wasn’t just a bad dream.

She sets the alarm each night, knowing that she needs to force herself into some routine.  You see, she lost her job in the same week that he left.  It would be too easy to stay in bed each day, letting the world slip by between bouts of restlessness, easing into sleep once again when the loneliness gets to be too much.  But she’s been there before.  She knows that letting depression slide over her like a warm blanket in the dead of winter might feel good at the time, but it won’t remove the ache completely.  She needs to warm her soul from within. 

And so she forces herself out of bed. 

She slips on a sweatshirt he left behind for her.  It still smells like him.  She makes coffee.  She turns on the news.  She makes lists, gives herself goals for the day, a way to feel accomplishment when the day is done.  She applies to jobs.  She catches up on laundry and bills.  She forces herself to accept invites from friends to meet for dinner or coffee, knowing that while she doesn't feel much energy for getting out of the apartment, the time away and the distraction will do her good. 

There are things she doesn’t do, though.

When she takes the laundry down, she leaves his towel hanging in the bathroom.  It’s too soon for that.  She lets the tv prattle on or finds an SVU marathon, but she doesn’t switch to the radio or a playlist on her ipod.  Music seeps into the wounds so easily, and she still feels too raw for that.

And she tries to avoid showering.  She knows the shower will help wake her up, make her feel normal, but she also knows that once the hot water starts beating down on her body, the tears will come.  The tears just exhaust her.  And that little spot at the outside corner of each eye is just raw and screaming from all the irritation.  So she doesn’t let herself cry.

She knows she should cry, should grieve and let herself work through the emotions.  Her friends have commented that she seems too ok.  But that’s the thing.  He was the one she would confide in.  He was the one she would cry to and whisper her fears while he held her close.  A kiss on the forehead was all it took to make her feel loved and safe and now she can’t get that back.

But when he calls and she hears him whisper in the phone, “Sassy, I miss you,” then she cries.  And they cry together and promise one another that they will get through this - together - and be ok. 

In the meantime, she hurts.  And sets her alarm each night, hoping that each day she pulls herself out of bed, and puts on a brave face, she’ll be a little stronger than the day before ...

Fashion Friday: New Digs

You may have noticed that things look a little more … FABULOUS … around these parts, right?  How do you like my new blog design?  I, personally, LOVE it.  You all know that I’ve been going through a little heartache and disappointment these days, and what better way to cheer a girl up than with a makeover. 

This redesign has been in the works for a couple of weeks.  It all began over dinner with a couple of my favorite gamma girls, A Single Girl and Cupcakes and Shoes.  As gamma girls will do, A Single Girl mentioned that she knew a phenomenal web designer, if either Cupcakes or I were interested in redesigning our blogs.  We had seen the work this particular web designer had done with A Single Girl’s blog, and so Cupcakes and I quickly said we’d be interested in getting in touch with this wonder woman. 

A Single Girl made the introductions over email and before we knew it, we had a dinner-and-drinks date with Miss Rachel McFadden. 

(As a side note, let me just say that when Rachel first showed up, I felt very confident that everything was going to be ok.  She was dressed in a gorgeous teal top that made her eyes sparkle, and accessorized perfectly with a wide tan belt and a friendly smile!)

Over dinner, Rachel spent time getting to know each of us.  She wanted to know details like how our living rooms and bedrooms were decorated, as a way to understand our personal style and the things we are most comfortable surrounding ourselves with on a daily basis.  She told us that she’d want each of us to spend a little time looking around at other blogs, in order to send her links of what we particularly like - and don’t like - in the blogosphere.  And after about just 15 minutes of chatting with us, she began to get giddy and excited by the ideas she was forming about what would be perfect for each of us. 

I hurried home that night and began devouring the internet, looking for examples of all the things I’d ever seen that I both loved and hated.  By the next afternoon, I sent off an email to Rachel with a variety of links and general outline of what I had envisioned.  I even attached a snapshot of my bedroom.  In response, Rachel wanted to know a little more about why I had chosen “Sassy Marmalade” as the name of my blog, and once I filled her in, she was off to the races. 

When Rachel sent me the first workup of my new header, my mouth literally dropped open.  It was everything I had imagined, but so, so much more.  And yet, it was exactly me.  Rachel had captured everything I wanted my blog to portray.  I love the clothesline strung out with the cityscape in the background, and I don’t think I could have found a better font had I searched for months.  In short, she hit the nail square on the head.  I think we can all agree that the makeover is simply gorgeous.  Thank you, Rachel, for all of your hard work!

For anyone wishing to contact Rachel for web design and/or development services (and you all should, you really should!) she can be reached in the following ways:

Rachel McFadden

rmmcfadden@gmail.com

www.rachelmcfadden.com