Today Is A New Day

The Dude left his post in Iraq on Sunday, beginning the journey home that was to include a stop at another base in southern Iraq, before a week in Kuwait while waiting for a flight back to the States. He was scheduled to arrive in Kuwait sometime on Tuesday, and was to be mostly out of contact until then, as communications are being disassembled at all bases in preparation for the withdrawal of forces from Iraq.

We have been intermittently working on a friendship, a task that has proved challenging for us both. For some crazy reason, we had even been recently discussing the possibility of a visit sometime in January, maybe as a way to achieve closure or know for sure whether we would or wouldn't remain in each others lives in some capacity.

When I got an unexpected email from him on Monday, telling me that he was in Kuwait ahead of schedule, I couldn't stop smiling. I was literally giddy and kept laughing, I was so happy for him. Just the symbolic measure of being out of Iraq, even if not yet back in the States, was wonderful news.

On Tuesday, I got a much different email. To summarize, the Tuesday email told me that he felt we had grown apart and it seemed our relationship had run its course. But he thanked me for getting him through the toughest 6 months of his life. In between those sentiments were a lot of other words explaining how he thought I had pushed things to this point.

My first reaction was shock. What came next was more visceral. My emotional and hurt interpretation was, "I got what I needed most from you and I'm moving on. In thanks, here's a bunch of shit to make you feel worse about yourself."

I aired my hurt on Twitter; for better or worse, it is my outlet. In many ways, I'm actually not someone to go to a friend and cry on their shoulder. In some strange paradox, putting it on Twitter lets me get it out without necessarily burdening anyone specifically. But of course, I have amazing friends in real life and online, and so many people were supportive and loving. It helped, so much, and for that reason I'm trying not to be embarrassed at how I exposed myself in that way.

I did reach out to one person who I knew to also be going through tough times involving a man, a person with whom friendship has been strained lately. I meant it as a way to commiserate together, and a potential olive branch to our struggling friendship. She rejected that offer, which is obviously within her right, but I felt stupid afterwards. I'd be lying to say that it didn't sting a little.

So I said yesterday, during my Twitter emote-fest: "I reserve the right to host a pity party today. Tomorrow I will harden my heart and move forward. But today I get to cry."

I cried in the bathroom at work. I wished for my sunglasses on Metro as I brushed away tears on my ride home. I distracted myself at Forever21 and helped a friend move some furniture last-minute and then I cried myself to sleep. But now today is a new day and I'm trying not to give any of it to someone else.

I've been mourning the end of my relationship with The Dude, in some form or another, for a good eight months. Even as we tried to maintain a friendship, I had lost the romantic relationship with him. And in many ways I've also been mourning the end of the other friendship for some time, too. Both are common threads on this blog. From now on though, I'm going to try my best to avoid those subjects. Both relationships are hurtful to me in their current state and I want to move forward from that. I'm not so stuck in my own head that I can't realize that it also happens to be what's best for me, too.

I'm done crying. Today is a new day.

Chocolate and Men

For my second Week of Me, the weekend event I had planned was epic. At the end of The Most Fabulous Brunch of My Life, Date Me, D.C.!, Thirsty Ivy, Suzie and I all decided that we needed a serious girls night out.

"I want chocolate and strong drinks," I decided.

"I want men to look at my boobs and tell me I'm pretty!" Suzie declared.

"Ooh, yes, THAT!" Thirsty agreed.

And so it was decided. Saturday night, Co Co. Sala, little dresses, tall heels, matching bra and panties, then out on the town. Operation Chocolate and Men was a go.

Saturday rolled around quickly (this was the weekend before last), but not before each of us could get thoroughly excited for the evening. Some new shoes were bought. Polls were circulated about how short the dresses should be and whether coats should be included.

When I met Date Me, D.C.! to share a cab from Crystal City, literally all I could see was legs as she walked up. She looked hot -- we both looked hot -- and we headed downtown to meet the girls at Co Co. Sala.

As is bound to happen when alcoholic drinks are laced with chocolate at a table full of women, we ran our tab up quickly. Chocolate martinis, tuna tartar, pink champagne, rich cheese fritters and bacon mac n' cheese all graced our table. We caught up on the events in each of our lives over the past week, toasted to Suzie's impending move, and eventually shifted the topic to men. By the time we finished dessert and paid the check, we were definitely ready for part two of the evening's festivities.

Say what you will, but like a moth to a flame, we were drawn to Barrack's Row. It's a chill part of town, for starters, and usually packed with men, as a benefit. We started at Lola's. As we checked in on Foursquare, Date Me, D.C.! and I were looking down at our phones as we walked in, noticing that we'd get a free mini-pour if we showed the check-in to our bartender. In those ninety seconds, Suzie made a new friend. We heard a man proclaim, "I'm buying these ladies all a drink!" Date Me, D.C.! and I looked up, smiled, and put away those silly mini-pour offers.

We chatted with the harmless married man who had purchased our round -- he was just being friendly and truly wasn't hitting on any of us -- finished our beers, and then decided to make our way down the street to check out a couple of other places. Lola's had been fairly empty, as were Molly Malone's and The Ugly Mug. We chatted with a couple of men here and there, watched part of the UFC fight at The Ugly Mug, ran into our friend Patrick, and decided to kidnap him and run off to H Street, NE.

After cabbing over to H Street, the night was almost a bust when we started at Little Miss Whiskey's. The scene was just a little dead. We decided to trek back up the street to The Queen Vic as one last attempt for the evening, vowing to head home after a drink if it wasn't good.

We marched upstairs and took over the rooftop deck, settling in with a few beers. Soon enough, a couple of men with high-and-tight haircuts joined us and quickly tried to get in our good graces. Because I am a woman of a certain age in a city of fewer and fewer available and desirable men, my eyes automatically scan a man's left hand to look for a wedding ring. So naturally, I noticed that High-and-Tight #1 was sporting a gold band, just as he was slipping his arm around Suzie's shoulder.

"Ahem, party foul," I said under my breath to Date Me, D.C.! and wiggled my ring finger at her. She spread the news to Thirsty Ivy.

About thirty minutes later and after enduring an insufferable and hostile conversation with High-and-Tight #2, wherein he tried to lecture us on the morals of keeping a child abuse scandal under wraps, #1 walked back outside from a bathroom trip, I assumed. For whatever reason, I noticed that he was no longer wearing his wedding ring.

I gasped and spread the news to the girls. I thought my job was done, setting off the red alert for a creeper in our vicinity, so I picked up my beer glass and started to take a drink when I heard Thirsty Ivy call out, "Hey, where'd your ring go?"

Beer went everywhere. Out my nose, ricocheting off the glass and the beer still in my mug to spray all over my face. Date Me, D.C.! has also been lulled into a false sense of security and was choking next to me. We both averted our eyes, failing miserably at controlling our laughter, afraid to look up and see what was happening between Thirsty and #1.

When we finally did look up (though really only about ten seconds passed, it felt much longer), we saw #2 walk past #1, heading back inside. He not-so-quietly said, "Abort!" as he passed by #1. But #1 just stood there, staring at his phone in his hand, before glancing toward the door and saying, "ok ... well, I'm gonna ... go." As he slinked off toward the door, Date Me, D.C.! shouted after him, "say 'hello' to your wife!"

Seriously, I am still snorting with laughter as I type this. It's one of the funniest things I've been involved in in a long time. My girl Thirsty has chops.

The rest of the night was pretty enjoyable. A group of men found their way out to the rooftop and took to entertaining us. There were about eight of them and four of us. We drank and laughed and handed out our numbers when asked at the end of the night.

And then, per our established rule for the evening -- four girls go into a bar, and four girls come out of a bar -- we all hopped in cabs and headed home. I know we each went home with smiles on our faces, knowing this was simply one of those nights we would remember for a long, long time.

$5 and I'm Drunk

The first Week of Me was such a success that I decided to continue it for this past week, also. I wasn't able to limit my weekday commitments to just one, but I did try to keep my attendance at the first engagement somewhat short. I am still fighting off a cold and working long hours, and the Week of Me is just as much about self preservation as it is about experimenting with saying "no."

Wednesday was my one serious commitment for the week, though, and Date Me, D.C.! and I had put it on the books several weeks earlier.

Every month, Bell Wine & Spirits (1821 M Street, NW) hosts a "Grand Tasting" on the third Wednesday on the month. For $5, you get access to between 35 and 45 bottles of wine, set up at tasting tables throughout their shop. They also host smaller, weekly tastings every Friday evening and Saturday afternoon, which are free.

While the event runs from 5 to 8 p.m., Katie and I couldn't get there until close to 7 p.m. We knew we'd have to take our wine tasting seriously to get through 40 tastings in one hour.

And take it seriously we did! I don't know if it was the particular time of the month and the fact that I had taken approximately eight ibuprofen that day as a result or that I hadn't eaten much all day, but I was feeling pretty happy after table #2. We trucked right on through, though, and got through all SEVEN tables. Seven. You can imagine that I was a little toasted by that point.

So basically, it was the smartest $5 I've ever spent in my life.

They handed out a convenient tasting sheet, so we were able to make notes about our favorites. A lot of the wines they were using were very reasonably priced. For me, this was great, because as much as I love to go to Target and pick out a bottle based on its adorable label with the pink shoes on it, that bottle inevitably tastes like fire going down my throat when I finally drink it. And then even though the pink shoe wine only cost me $9.99, I'm still pissed that I spent that much to suffer through enough firewater until my tongue was numb enough to handle the rest of the bottle. Not the relaxing wine experience I usually prefer.

So having the option to try that $10 bottle of wine and find out that it actually tastes delicious before buying is basically like saving money. So I saved myself $20 on two bottles of wine at the end of the night, money I will credit towards rationalizing my next shoe purchase.

Of course, after Katie flirted with the cute cashier and we stumbled out with our clinking bottles, we went straight to Shake Shack for a little food to soak up our tastings. Perfect lady date.

The Most Fabulous Brunch of My Life

In my first Week of Me, the only social engagement I committed to for the whole week was Sunday brunch with my girl friends at Level One. You know I had to make it a doozy, since I was finally letting myself out in public for the first time that week!

One of my blogger friends, FreckledK, whom I finally met in person at the Doing the District launch party in September, had been trying to get a group of us together for brunch at her restaurant for quite some time. She works the Saturday brunch at Level One, meaning that she is free to booze it up on her own time on Sundays. After two previous failed attempts, we finally managed to get together on November 13 for the most fabulous brunch of my life.

The weather was chilly, but nice enough to sit outside under the heat lamps. That's definitely where we wanted to be, anyway. There's something about brunch on the patio with the gays that makes it totally appropriate to yell, "hey, bitches!" across the way to that beautiful table of men who have no interest in speaking to you once they see you have boobs.

We drank truly bottomless mimosas for hours, talked about boys and listened to boys talk about boys, and laughed so hard that my sides hurt. At one point, I thought I had finally made a new gay best friend*, only to have him suddenly jump up and run off to meet up with his man friend. After he kissed me on the cheek and told me that I was fabulous, I sighed and said to my friends, "the gay ones break my heart more than the straight ones."

But not to fret! We still had mimosas to finish and plenty of topics left over from the boys to laugh about until we jumped in a cab and headed back to Arlington together. After that, we crashed the sports pub to sit and chat for a bit before heading over to Chipotle to pick up dinner.

Several weeks ago, a few of us had started getting Sunday dinner together -- sometimes cooking in one of our apartments, sometimes just grabbing Chipotle and bringing it back to my place -- as a nice way to cap off the weekend together. It's on those Sunday nights that I realize how much my friends are truly my family here. It feels 100% right to sit around and eat dinner with those girls on a Sunday night, but especially after the epic brunch we had just enjoyed.

Maybe it was the fact that I hadn't been out all week and this was my one -- therefore, special -- social engagement, or maybe it was just the perfect day. I just know that I had a smile on my face the entire time and went to bed that night feeling utterly happy.

Week one of Week of Me: complete success.

* Seriously, I am absolutely desperate for a gay best friend to call my own!

My Week of Me

I want to send out a huge thank you to Thirsty Ivy for sharing her stories here over the last few weeks! I know you all have been as entertained as I was, and hope to see more from her in the future. Keep following her on Twitter and encourage her to start her own blog so that she can keep entertaining us soon!

After living in D.C. for fourteen years now, I have grown accustomed to making new friends every few years. People don't stay in this area for long -- I believe the average is around four years, generally based on an election cycle -- and if you plan to stick around for long yourself, you will learn that a large number of your friends will eventually move away. Sometimes even your boyfriend. Part of loving D.C. is loving that this city brings so many different people here, even if only for a short while, and so you learn to take the good with the bad.

Being single again and also being at one of those points in the cycle where I felt I needed some new friends, I've made my social life a bigger priority over the last ten months or so than I might usually do. But as October rolled to a close, I was starting to feel exhausted -- I'd been burning the candle at both ends, consistently working 50-60 hour weeks and also trying to keep social engagements two or three nights a week plus weekends.

Really, I just have a problem saying "no."

When people ask me to do stuff, I want to say "yes" to all of them. Especially because I'm single again and rebuilding my circle of friends, I feel a bit of pressure to say "yes." Sure, that pressure is self-imposed, but it's there all the same. God forbid I be sitting home on a Friday night, suddenly feeling lonely and missing him, and know that I could have protected myself from that if only I had said "yes" to that friend's invitation to get drinks.

I think sometimes I also convince myself that I am letting others down when I say "no." But I was talking to my friend Kara recently, who told me she had been feeling the same way -- exhausted by social engagements and needing some time off. She told me that she also feels like she might let people down when she declines an invitation, but then she also said something so insightful: "When you don't want to go and would rather stay home, you're really just letting yourself  down when you say 'yes.'"

It was so simple and so right. And at the end of our conversation, I decided I needed to take some serious time for myself. I had started down that path a few weeks ago, when I took a break from blogging. By cutting out certain negative influences in my life, I had found a certain calm and peace that came from not fearing drama every single day. But I wanted to take that a little further, and give myself a break from even the undramatic social interactions.

So I decided to have a Week of Me. Per Kara's suggestion, I would only commit to one social engagement for the week, and one for the weekend -- at the most. I can't remember what my one plan was for the week, but whatever it was, it fell through. So I had Sunday brunch plans and the rest of an entire week to myself.

Here's how it went: I felt liberated. I made a list of little stuff around the apartment I'd been meaning to do for months -- a button that needed to be sewn on a coat, a stack of shirts that needed to be ironed, photos I needed to upload and organize -- and got a little done each night, after my long 11 hour days. I made time to cook meals during the week. I usually take time on Sunday to cook something I can reheat for the rest of the week, but I enjoy cooking and I realized how much I missed coming home to stand in my kitchen in sweatpants and bare feet, making my apartment smell delicious. I actually had time to sit on the couch and watch some tv each night. I made more time to get to the gym, which is the only thing that helps keep me going when I'm working long hours.

I just felt like I had time to breathe and catch up on my life.

And I liked it so much that I'm trying to continue with it, at least in part, going forward. The holidays are tough, and we often find ourselves overextended and pulled in twenty different directions before we have time to recognize how full our calendar is. We give so much of ourselves at this time of year, and that really is a wonderful thing. But it's also a great time of year to learn how to say "no" and take care of yourself just a little.

Fashion Friday: Scarves

Scarves are one of my favorite fall and winter accessories. It's so easy to add a pop of color, an interesting texture, or experiment with a fun print by just looping a scarf around your neck. If you're afraid of animal prints, a leopard print scarf, for example, is the perfect way to ease into it.

While it is starting to get cooler, I still haven't unpacked my heavier cotton and wool scarves just yet. I'm still enjoying my lighter cotton and some very loose-knit scarves. Today I wrapped up in my favorite, lightweight black and white houndstooth. For whatever reason, it always makes me happy.

So, in the spirit of scarf-loving, and also because I love a good tip here and there, here's a diagram that I found on Coldwater Creek's website showing six great ways to tie a scarf. I love that they use summer scarves so that you can see how to create some interesting shapes without the bulk of a heavy wool. The loop-n-through is my personal go-to, but I'm going to start using the loop-n-through with a knot!

Happy Friday!

Fashion Friday: Early Winter Prep

You know that I am the last person in a hurry to rush the seasons. Especially fall, which is my favorite. In no way am I ready for winter. That being said, in the fashion world we always have to be looking ahead to the next season, because that's how everything is marketed to us. And with every season, I'm always looking a little ahead, thinking about any big items I might need to add to my wardrobe and plan for, a special item that I want to start looking for, staples that I want to watch for good deals on.

So it's that time of year, to start thinking just a little bit about winter. Maybe you need a new winter coat this year, maybe you never found the perfect leather gloves last year and want to put those on your list. Whatever it is, start thinking about it now, scope out your favorites and keep your eye on them so you can hopefully snag it on sale.

Here's my short winter list so far:

1. Down Coat: I've been thinking about getting one for several years, but always put it off because I'm never convinced I can find the perfect mid-thigh coat with a real-enough looking fur-adorned hood that won't made me look like the marshmallow man. It's a tall order. I'm starting early this year and making myself a promise to commit. I'll finally check this off my list this year.

2. Fun Snow Boots: Every year, I put this off, thinking that I won't really need them this year. It's not until the first couple of snow storms that I decide I will need them after all, and by then it's far too late. While rainboots and a good, cozy liner can definitely get you through the winter in this area, I've been wanting a fun pair of actual snow boots. (And no, Uggs don't count.) I love the Sorel boots, but they are a little pricey ($140) when you might only wear them 4 times a year. Luckily, Target has an amazing knock-off pair ($45). I planned early this year and bought mine already. I can't wait to wear them!

The real Sorel boots

The great Target knock-offs

3. Basics: I need some new slim-fitting long sleeve tees to wear under sweaters in the winter. It's my winter version of a lacy camisole and once I find one that I like, I stock up.

4. Vintage leather gloves: I have a great collection of gloves, but every year I dream about finding a truly special pair to invest in. I'm determined to scour secondhand shops on a weekly basis if I have to.

5. Earmuffs: I spent all of last winter searching for the perfect, chic pair of faux-fur earmuffs. I seriously lost countless hours searching the internet. I wanted a pair that was faux, but looked real, with a dainty headband rather than a big, chunky one, and I really wanted the headband part to be adjustable like all the earmuffs I remember my mother owning. I've realized I might have to negotiate on the adjustable bit, but I already have my eye on a great pair from Michael Kors. I tried them tonight at Nordstrom and am already wondering why I didn't just buy them.

So that's my list (so far). What's on your winter-is-coming list?

Happy Friday!

Fashion Friday: Beauty Edition

Now that the season has definitely changed -- and it feels more like we're inching closer to winter every day -- I've been thinking about the other parts of my morning "hurry, hurry, get ready, you're already late, get the hell out the door!" routine that also change with the seasons.

For me, "fashion" is about being put-together, and that includes the other ways you present yourself: beauty, makeup, hair. So I thought it was time to do a little Beauty Edition here on Fashion Friday. Just as I pull my boots, tights, and scarves out of storage when the air turns a little crisper, I change up my beauty routines, too.

1. Makeup: My morning workday makeup routine takes about three minutes, tops. If I'm feeling frisky that day, it gets to about five when I add in some eyeliner, but that happens about once every six weeks, at most. (I have a small makeup bag that I carry with me to touch up before evening plans.) In the summer months, I stick with peachy and light pink hues. Now that we're in cooler months, I've shifted into more browns and darker neutrals. While I stick with light glosses in the summer, I've switched to a berry stain this fall. Your makeup should flatter your individual skin tone, of course, but should also definitely favor a more fall-friendly palette by now.

2. Perfume: In the summer, I usually wear Juicy Couture's Viva La Juicy. It's bright and crisp and perfect for warmer months. In September, I switched to Chanel's Chance, which has been my go-to for years. It's a richer scent, but still light enough for everyday wear -- perfect for fall. Once the weather gets even colder, I'll start mixing in Gucci's Rush. It's still my favorite spicy scent and it works well on me for the winter.

3. Nail Polish: Like your makeup, your nail polish palette should change with the seasons. While summer is perfect for pinks and corals, it's now time to switch to deep berry and eggplant shades, and my new personal favorite -- browns. I love OPI's Chocolate Moose, Orly's Prince Charming, and Butter London's All Hail the Queen.

4. Hair: For me, the best part of the changing seasons is that I no longer have to secure a sweaty, hot mess of hair on the top of my head! While summer means finding creative ways to keep my hair off my face and neck and look put-together even in the hot and humid weather, the cooler months mean I can blow dry my tresses shiny and straight and keep the look all day long. I tend to wear more headbands in the winter, knowing that I won't be resorting to a ponytail within ten minutes of leaving the house.

5. Skin: The changing humidity levels from summer to winter in this area mean that you really have to switch up your skin care routine as the seasons change. We all have our particular challenge areas -- for me, my nose wants to peel nonstop in the dry winter air, and I definitely don't look put-together if my nose is flaking! I wear heavier moisturizers in the fall and winter, and use special eye creams at night to keep the skin around my eyes soft and happy.

Also keep in mind that just because it's no longer 95 degrees outside doesn't mean that you won't sweat at times in the fall and winter. Running to catch the train in a wool sweater and wool coat and jumping onto that heated car equal perspiration! Our winter woolen clothes don't breathe as well as the light cottons of the summer, so I always keep a travel-size deodorant and baby wipes at work, just in case.

Happy Friday ... and it's good to be back!  :)