What Really Happened

The title is for the blog post I wish I could write.

When I blog, I start the posts in my head. By the time I get my fingers over a keyboard, I already know the outline of what I want to say and how it will begin, though not exactly how it will end.

Whenever I have started that post in my head, before I can get too far I hear my mom's voice in the background: "No. Be the bigger person."

Obviously I struggle with that, or I wouldn't even be writing this post. I mean, that's kinda like the person who calls themselves "classy" -- you diminish the status by uttering the statement.

But, I'm human and I've always bared my flaws here. I think that's actually how I live my life, too. I have a tough exterior, but once I trust you and open up, I don't pretend to be some better version of myself or the version of myself I would be without flaws. I show you my vulnerabilities and flaws and insecurities. I feel like that's how I connect with people.

Maybe that's also why I have such a vocal bullshit meter. I'm willing to be honest about all of this. So I have little respect for people who can't even own up to who they are. Those people who put on a show, every day of the week, refusing to acknowledge their real emotions or admit their mistakes ... I have no patience for those people.

And so I suppose that's why I struggle with wanting to write that post. I'm really not the bigger person. I want to tell everyone what really happened and how it has hurt me and how hard I find it to trust anyone in my life as a result. Every time I learn something new that has been said about me, I want to tell my side of the story.

Instead, I sit on my hands and I try to swallow my frustration and I do my best to bite my tongue. I find faith in knowing that my real friends know me best. I find solace in knowing that the ones who would believe the crap were never my real friends to begin with. So I bide my time and try to ride out the storm.

But sonofabitch, sometimes it's hard.

Tonight, all I want is to get lost in a hug from my mom. If I lived any closer to home, I'd already be on my way there.

I Really Do Love Valentine's Day

My name is Sassy, and I am a sucker for everything sappy, pink and red, and heart-shaped about Valentine's Day.

There. I said it. I mean, this is what my front door looks like right now.

I grew up in a home where Valentine's Day was always very important. My parents' wedding anniversary is on Valentine's Day and my mom always made a huge deal out of it. We always had Valentine's cards and gifts on the morning of February 14 to open. And I always watched my dad spoil my mom twice-fold on that day each year.

Now, there are some parts of Valentine's Day I don't love. I don't love that couples cram into restaurants, eating sub-par food for inflated prices in a rush to get out and make room for the next wave of couples. I've never enjoyed going out to eat on actual Valentine's Day. I don't love all the cliched pre-packaged gifts for men to grab at the last minute to give to their Valentine -- all the balloons, stuffed animals and chocolates wrapped in cellophane and wrapped with red ribbon. And I don't love how some people, women especially, feel a little desperate or inadequate when they don't have a significant other on Valentine's Day.

All of that feels fake to me, and doesn't represent the genuine expression of love that I grew up appreciating on Valentine's Day.

But I do love most everything else about it. I love that men and women in love feel a little more romantic on the day. I love that it encourages -- ok, maybe even forces -- us to treat our significant other, friends and family a little more special for the sake of showing we love them. I love heartfelt notes and thoughtful dinners or breakfasts in bed and candles and bubble baths. And beautiful bouquets of flowers, picked out at the grocery store.

And I love all the pink and red everywhere. Pink candles and red vases and heart-shaped martini glasses and cookie cutters at Target. Pink and black striped garters or red lace bras. Even pink polka dot flannel pajamas and socks decked out with hearts. You at least have to admit, it's a great time of year to stock up on all of it!

For the first time in many, many years, I am officially 100% single for Valentine's Day. And I'm not sad at all about it. I will admit that I've saved quite a bit of money I'd usually be spending on the perfect lingerie, the perfect special meal and ingredients for the perfect heart-shaped cheesecakes I would make, packaged in perfect little bakery boxes. But that doesn't mean I'm not celebrating. I sent out cards to my friends and family. I put out my red, heart-shaped tealight holders and the front door stuff. And I'm probably even going to sleep in pink pajamas tonight after I take a nice, long bubble bath.

And probably drink Starbucks salted caramel
hot cocoa out of this pink mug!

Happy Valentine's Day everyone! Hope the day is all about love for you, no matter your situation.

Slow Cooker Sunday: Butternut Squash Soup

I've had a butternut squash sitting around for several weeks and finally needed to make something with it. Plus, I was itching to use my new immersion blender from Christmas. So, soup it is!

This recipe was super easy. Honestly, the toughest part was peeling, seeding and cutting the squash. After that, piece of cake. And my apartment smelled delicious for days!

Butternut Squash Soup

Ingredients
2 pounds butternut squash, peeled, seeded, and cut into 1-inch cubes
1 large onion, chopped
2 stalks celery, chopped
2 cloves garlic, minced
2 14-ounce cans chicken broth
3/4 cup half-and-half or light cream
Purchased basil pesto

Directions
1. In a 3.5- or 4-quart slow cooker, place squash, onion, celery, and garlic. Pour chicken broth over mixture in cooker.

2. Cover and cook on low-heat setting for 6 to 8 hours or on high-heat setting for 3 to 4 hours. Turn off cooker. Cool slightly.

3. Add squash mixture, in batches, to a blender container or food processor bowl. Cover and blend or process until smooth. Or use immersion blender directly in the crock pot, as I did.

4. Stir in cream. Top each serving with pesto.

This recipe made a lot of soup. I have about half of it in the freezer, because there was just only so much butternut squash soup I could eat this week. But the basil in each serving was really the highlight for me. So delicious. I'll be keeping this recipe handy.

Fashion Friday: The Importance of the Skinny Jean

I have a new pet peeve. I'm sure you all are completely shocked by that. Here's the thing -- if you're wearing tall, snug boots over the top of jeans, you need to be certain that you're wearing a true skinny jean.

Fact: Tall boots over jeans look hot.

Fact: Too much bagging at the knee at the top of your tall boots is not hot.

I see too many women making this mistake. A straight cut jean is not slim enough to wear under your tall, tailored boots. Your jeans for this look need to be slim fit, all the way down. When it comes to denim, It's skinny jeans or jeggings, people, and that's about it.

A little bunching at the knee is normal. Lots of extra fabric and baggyness is not. And if you're wearing a slouchy boot, you can get away with a little extra room there at the knee and thigh.

Wrong:

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Right:

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This is fine too:

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Happy Friday!

I Swear I'm Not Dead!

I know it's been forever since I've posted here and believe me, I miss it more than anyone out there who might be reading. Life has been busy lately -- a week home in San Diego for my little sister's wedding really threw me off my routine -- but I'm slowly getting back into the groove. And I have so much shit I want to talk about here!

So I'll be back with Fashion Friday this week and then regular posts again next week.

(Yeah, "promises, promises!" is buzzing through my head right now, too, but I swear it!)