And Then Just Like That ...

When I was writing Tuesday's post, I thought for a minute: if I write about this new guy, will that jinx things? I decided I was so sure about how I felt about him and that he felt the same in return, I wasn't going to worry about it.

This afternoon, I got a text. "Hey, I have some bad news," it started out. I took a deep breath and replied, "What's up?"

"I'm being moved to North Carolina."

The conversation that followed was sad but honest. I laughed it off at first, replying "Haha, of course you are. Every time I meet someone I actually like in this area lately ..." He replied with, "I know. This sucks." And "I feel so bad about this." We talked a little bit more, and I learned how immediate his departure would be. He's military, so it comes with the territory sometimes, but even this took my breath away.

I'm still in shock. He just got back on Sunday afternoon from a two-week trip. He wanted to see me immediately, and I felt the same. We spent Sunday evening drinking beers on my balcony and catching up. He told me how much he had thought about me while he was away. I told him how glad I was to have him back. We kissed for hours and talked about how much fun we were having, while the little lights strung along my balcony twinkled in the summer air.

Sunday was like a fairy tale. Today was like a nightmare. How do things change so quickly?

This is the third time in the past fifteen months or so that someone I've been very close to has been relocated for work. First, The Dude. Then a man I haven't written much about. Now him, The Marine. A couple of months ago, there was another guy I was getting close to who told me he was being relocated. I cut that off before we got too close, but it's still part of a haunting pattern.

However, aside from The Dude leaving, which was obviously so much more traumatic, I haven't cried this much over the others. This guy was really something special. My friends chided me over the last couple weeks, telling me to stop being afraid of liking him, to just open up. The Dude encouraged me after Sunday to make sure I wasn't too distant just because I was scared.

And I don't regret that I did open up. I'm glad The Marine knows how I feel. But I'm just so disappointed. When will the timing be right, for once?

He sent me an email tonight, after turning in his phone and wanting to communicate before he left. Part of it said, "I want you to know how much fun I had and how much I enjoyed the time we spent together."

I am so exhausted from being brokenhearted.

Ten Things Tuesday: Things I Love, Like and Surprisingly Don't Hate

1. This is the strangest D.C. summer I've ever experienced, weather-wise. Sure, we've had some seriously hot and humid days. But they have all been punctuated with some really nice days, with 75-degree sunny skies and low humidity. Today? It feels like fall. So strange, but I'm not complaining!

2. I think I officially AM a morning person now. After a few weeks of getting to work earlier and earlier, 6:00 a.m. is now my wake-up time and getting in to work at 8:00 means I feel late.

3. Four years ago today I wandered into a Starbucks downtown and met a man who would eventually teach me everything I thought I already knew about being in love and being loved back. Today, that same man is trying to teach me how to open up again to someone new. Truth is stranger than fiction.

4. So yeah, I met someone new. It's really, really new, but I haven't felt this way since I met The Dude, so I'm very hopeful. I'm doing all the wrong things that somehow become all the right things and seem to work anyway and that's my only clue that maybe this could be something. He's wonderful and I daydream about him all day long. The only thing better than that feeling is him telling me that he does the same.

5. On that same note, nothing motivates me more to workout and eat right than meeting someone new. I've been swimming a lot, feeling stronger, and not even craving anything more than salads and smoothies. It's definitely a change for the better so far and I needed the jumpstart.

6. I am finally reading The Help and loving it.

7. I was on a mission last week to find a new vacuum that wouldn't cost me an arm and a leg. The one I've had for about six years finally died. I refused to buy a Dyson, even though that's the only thing two Targets and a Bed Bath & Beyond had in stock. (Total conspiracy, in my opinion. I buy designer handbags and shoes, not designer vacuums.) When I finally found an $80 replacement for my old Bissell, I vacuumed the hell out of my apartment on Sunday.

8. My baby sister is pregnant and I think has finally picked the theme for her nursery. I don't want to spoil it here, but let's just say that I've been Googling and bookmarking like a fiend lately. I need to start a savings account just to support the shopping habits I'm going to have for this baby.

9. A friend and I had been waiting for a repeat of last summer's Living Social deal for the Kenny Chesney concert, which of course features Tim McGraw this year. It finally came out yesterday and we jumped on that without hesitation. For anyone else who wants to join in the fun, it's a great deal: https://www.livingsocial.com/events/383718-kenny-chesney-and-tim-mcgraw-2-tickets

10. I think I'm finally starting to really forgive and forget some of the things that hurt me over the last six months. Not caring can be a truly great feeling sometimes.

Fashion Friday: Shopping in My Closet

So I've been employed again for almost two months, but after that 6 week unemployment stint, my bank account had taken a hit. I'm still working on catching up on bills and replenishing my savings account, so I've been frugal these days. Read: frustrated. Because, really, all I want to do is BUY ALL THE THINGS.

I have a growing wishlist. It has things big and small on it, and while I could totally afford some things here and there, I know that making a purchase would be the opening of the flood gates. For now, my credit card is in hibernation, where it's safe, but if I bring it out I'm pretty sure I wouldn't put it back. That's why I hadn't even bought that lovely tangerine infinity scarf from Old Navy, and now it's sold out. Mother f....

Anyway, I'm being good lately and trying to focus on that. But for me, having new influx and inspiration is crucial for getting up and putting myself together each morning. Without new pieces coming in, I've had to find inspiration and style elsewhere. So I've been focusing on something I like to call: Shopping in My Closet.

I know it's not just me who has a closet packed full of stuff I forget about. In fact, I helped my friend move a few weeks ago and found that she has a closet full of adorable stuff that she never wears. We all do it. We have our favorite pieces and the things we are most comfortable in and we wear those over and over and forget about everything else we own. And yes, sometimes those other things are in the back of the closet because they were a bad purchase. They pull funny when we wear them. But other times, we just forget we own them.

So, at least once a week, I go shopping in my closet. I've pretty much rediscovered all the old things I'd forgotten, but I still spend time trying pieces on in new combinations. I don't have time for that in the mornings, so I like to spend an hour or so a week figuring out what works. And I've found some great new outfits by doing so.

There's a bright blue dress that I had purchased on eBay and never worn. It just fell funny and didn't look all that flattering. I purchased it before I owned my favorite wide corset belt though, so when I went shopping in my closet recently, it dawned on me that I could pair that cognac belt with that bright blue dress and some coral accessories ... and just like that, it became one of my favorite new outfits.

If you're trying to save money, or just to get more use out of the things you already own, put aside a little time this weekend to shop your own closet. You only need about an hour to try things on -- test out a new belt with that favorite old dress, a different pair of shoes or accessories than your usual go-to, and experiment with incorporating one of your favorite weekend tops into your weekday wardrobe. I guarantee that you'll find at least one new outfit and be more excited than ever to get dressed on Monday morning.

Plus, it's hot as heck out there, so shopping at home in the air conditioning, without ever stepping a foot outside, is pretty appealing this weekend.

Happy Friday!

Ten Things Tuesday: Random Confessions

1. I am ashamed that I live a block away from Artomatic and have yet to check it out. This is the last week. Now taking bets on whether I make it over there before Saturday.

2. I think I'm starting to become a morning person.

3. Sometimes I'm really blown away by how change can excite and frighten me in equal measures. Sometimes I realize I'm sad that The Dude can now listen to me talk about dating a new guy, but I'm also continually amazed at how our friendship has developed. I feel lucky to have both sides of that in my life.

4. I like flip flops. I just do.

5. For the most part, I do my own manicures and pedicures. It's something I started doing at a time when I was trying to save money, and I found that practice really does make perfect. Somewhere along the way, I became pretty good at it. Now I just get annoyed when I pay $40 to get my nails done and they don't get paint to cover to the edges of the nail.

6. I actually really like this season of The Bachelorette. I think Emily is actually wonderful. I love that she has convictions and sticks to them. I love that she really, truly believes that any man who ends up with her would be blessed, and that she would feel the same to be with him. And I think it's wonderful that she looks for the good in men and encourages them to show it by giving them time. If more women treated men that way, I think less men would cheat. There. I said it.

7. I do not like anything purple flavored. It's not grape, it's purple. Skittles, popsicles, jelly -- I don't like any of it. Probably I should end up with someone who loves the purples, so I'm not constantly feeling guilt at throwing away all those Skittles.

8. I have no qualms about objectifying men in movies like Magic Mike. I've watched the trailer too many times to count. I've seen all the still photos. I have an alarm set for June 29 in my phone.

9. I didn't know that any beer mixed with any citrus, carbonated beverage was a shandy. I thought it was something fancier. But now that I know I can even just make it at home, I'll be drinking nothing but shandy or margaritas for the rest of the summer.

10. Even though I feel really lonely sometimes, other times I just really love being alone. I'm still trying to figure that out myself.

Nine Lives?

How many lives do we get when it comes to dating and relationships and looking for the one that will stick?

In an old episode of Sex and the City, Charlotte tells the other girls, "Everyone knows you only get two great loves in your life."

Well I've had two in my life so far: The Ex and The Dude. But I feel like I have at least one more in me, so I'm hoping that Charlotte is wrong.

And while I do think that there is meant to be another great love in my life, I have told a couple of friends lately that I feel like I may have used up all of my good luck in dating. I met The Ex when I was in undergrad and we rode that roller coaster for nearly 7 years. I met him when I was just living my life and having fun. I wasn't looking for anything serious. I had never been in love and I don't think I was even wanting that at the time.

I got lucky.

And then I met The Dude, just a couple of short weeks after finally ending everything with The Ex. When I met The Dude, I had started dating, but only in that desperate, I-need-to-get-out-there-and-get-over-him way to forget The Ex. I wasn't ready yet. I wasn't looking for my next love. It just found me.

I got lucky.

But now? I don't feel quite so lucky. The Dude and I have been broken up for over a year now. This time, there was no random stranger to bump into at Starbucks, whisk me off into a romance, and save my broken heart. There hasn't yet been a summertime fling that turns into something serious because things just click. I'm still plodding along, doing the dating thing, and admittedly having a lot of fun ... but there has been no hint of another great love. At least not yet.

I'm still hopeful and I still think I'll get that one more shot. I'm just starting to realize how lucky I was the first time around and how it might take a little more looking this time. Maybe that really does mean that it finds us when we aren't looking? I'm not sure I really believe that, but my history seems to hint at its truth.

All I know is that I sometimes fall asleep thinking about this: I have been in love, 100% completely in love, with two men in my life. Please let the third time be the charm.

Fashion Friday: Tan Lines

In our glorious tanning months of summertime (this is still such a weird concept for me, being a California girl, where every month is a tanning month) tan lines sometimes become a part of your outfit. Even if you aren't the type to lay out and soak up the rays on the weekend, your shoulders and knees get sunkissed from lunches in the park and drinks on sunny patios.

And it's important to keep tabs on those lines. Tan lines are like visible bra straps or see-through tops -- there's a fine line between sexy and tacky.

I always stress if too much sun early in the season catches me by surprise in a short-sleeved top of some kind. Once you get that farmer's tan line across your arm, you'll be spending most of the summer trying to get rid of it. No matter how dark you get, that lower part of your arm will always be slightly ahead of the upper part. The line may eventually fade, but will almost certainly still be there.

And if you aren't committed to tanning it into submission? Well, you've pretty much screwed your whole summer of wearing sleeveless tops and sundresses. That kind of tan line is never sexy, even on a man.

I'm also very careful when I choose a swimsuit. Aside from all the obvious things we take into consideration when picking a suit, I'm very cognizant of what tan lines I'll be getting from the top. Like I said before, tan lines can be sexy ... but too much is not a good thing. I tend to think a low cut strap-free is always the best way to go.

Think of all those strapless dresses you'll be wearing to weddings this summer. Those halter top tan lines in all the pictures really only work if you're at a destination wedding.

And it wasn't until last weekend, when I jokingly teased a friend about her flip flop tan lines, that I realized how I might be a little obsessed with avoiding too many lines. I might just be lucky in that my feet tan fairly dark but I never seem to pick up a sandal line. But it might also be that I'm pretty careful to avoid them. If I'm sitting outside for long periods, I either take my shoes off and set my feet on top of my sandals or flats, or I keep my feet under my chair or in the shade somehow, when it's just inappropriate to take off my shoes.

Getting yourself a serious flip-flop tan line and then wearing a t-strap sandal? I tend to think that just looks tacky.

So while the season is still early, think about the tan lines you might pick up before you spend too much time in the sun. Once you've got 'em, they're hard to shake. I also keep a travel size tube of sunscreen in my purse, so I can easily swipe a little extra on my shoulders or the tops of my feet whenever I realize I'm going to be out in the sun longer than I expected.

And never forget your chest, especially when you're wearing a statement necklace. Saw a girl with a repeating triangle tan line on her chest the other day and felt a little sorry for her. She's stuck with that until 2013.

Happy Friday!

Some Thoughts on Online Dating

I have mixed feelings about online dating. Anyone who has talked with me over the past few months knows my opinions on the negatives. And yet, I keep doing it. So there must be some positives in there too.

Let's start with the negatives though. For whatever reason, I think it's just borderline perverse to have a profile that sits up there for anyone and everyone to page through. I hate knowing that my boss or a business connection or my neighbor could stumble upon my profile and read all about me and what I'm interested in. That just feels really weird to me. Plus, it really does just make you part of a dating catalog. Let's be honest, all you do is flip through profiles until you find someone with a picture that you're attracted to. Then you stop and skim their profile and look through the rest of their pictures. It's exactly like flipping through a catalog. That grosses me out for some reason.

Also, it's so hard to know when people are being genuine about their intentions. I'm really not sure there's a much difference between having an OkCupid profile and responding to an ad on Craigslist. I mean, at least on Craigslist people are putting it all out there, right? On OkCupid, we know their profile says they are looking for a relationship, but really most of the time they're just looking to spend as little as possible on a date here and there and end up getting laid.

There's just something to be said for meeting someone organically, in person, face to face. You immediately know whether you have chemistry. You can look that person in the eye and at least get a better feel for whether they are being honest when they say they're single. You can easily judge their mannerisms and how they interact in a social setting and learn so much in half an hour about whether you could stand to be around that person, let alone be intimate and in a relationship with them.

And sure, you get to that part eventually with online dating. But I think too many people put too much weight on the first date from online dating. In my opinion, the first "date" is more of a meet and greet. Sometimes it becomes a date, sure. But sometimes it's just a chance to get a drink with this person and see them in real life to actually know whether they are someone you then want to date. This is where I think men do online dating better than women. So many women I know treat each online date as if it's a huge thing. It's not. If you meet and he likes you and then asks you out to dinner, for example, then it's a date.

But it still really is a great way to meet all kinds of people, people you really wouldn't run across in your daily life. That's probably my favorite part of online dating. I don't really like to date people that I come across in my work and social circles, normally. I think people who date on Twitter are insane. I don't like feeling like we're still in high school. I love meeting someone who has absolutely no connection to my group of friends or my job and getting to know them outside of everything else that I do day in and day out. I love then getting to introduce our lives to one another.

That's just what I prefer. And so for better or worse, I guess that means online dating is a part of my life for now. And despite the negatives, I do have fun with it. I love dates, I love meeting new people, I love that hopeful anticipation before the first date and the giddy happiness after a good one.

Ten Things Tuesday: Let's Give This A Try

Sometimes I don't have enough to say for a whole blog post. But sometimes I have things to say that are also more than a tweet. So I decided I might occasionally copy Hilarity In Shoe's 10 Thing Thursday posts and do something similar here. For now, this is Ten Things Tuesday, but that's subject to change without notice.

1. I had no idea that people were so serious about their TOMS. I guess that kinda means that I can support those people a little, because they're clearly wearing them out of love, not just because it's the trendy thing to do. However, while lunching in Arlington Saturday, I saw a girl wearing TOMS wedges. That's still never ok.

2.  How do you convince a crow that he should spend his mornings elsewhere? I'm thinking bb gun right now, so if any of you crow lovers want to step up and save a bird, here's your chance.

3. I know DC is this big drinking capital for singles and that our social lives revolve around happy hours, nights on the town and mimosa-soaked brunches, but is it ok for me to say that I get a little bored with people who are constantly drinking? Sure, I love a good happy hour and I live for brunch, but that's something I usually do one of per week. Maybe two. Last weekend I even brunched sans alcohol and felt amazingly un-sloth-like when I was out doing things in the sun after. It's great that we can do those things here and there, but honestly, I kinda judge the people who make their schedules revolve around alcohol nearly every day of the week. And you guys know I'm not exaggerating -- there are lots of those people in DC.

4. Why do people still pop their collars? Why aren't we over that yet? This is not rhetorical.

5. I have a tomato plant on my balcony. I love the way it smells. Sometimes I go out there just to touch the leaves and have that delicious tomato plant smell on my hands.

6. I'm really in love with this tangerine infinity scarf from Old Navy. I haven't bought it yet though, so please don't all of you buy it and leave me without one.

7. I met someone recently who told me he does not have an inner child. Rather, he has an inner adult. He also believes that fun is absolutely a state of mind. I like this person a lot and I'm trying to let him influence my thinking as much as possible.

8. I need good summer beach read suggestions. And also some time at an actual beach to do said reading.

9. I'm in love with maxi dresses again, because they just feel so much more comfortable than anything else on the planet, except maybe pajamas. But I still can't decide if they are too casual for work. You'd think something longer and not shorter would be less casual, but I'm pretty sure we'd both be wrong on that. For now, I'm saving them for Fridays until I resolve this dilemma.

10. I've been realizing that I'm really, truly happy lately. I feel like all the dust has finally settled on so many of the changes that happen in my life over the last year. I have a wonderful new job, I'm having fun dating, I know who my true friends are, and there are some really exciting things going on with my family. I just feel lucky lately. Probably also subject to change without notice, but for now, I'm reveling in it.

Fashion Friday: On Being "Trendy"

Holy crap you guys, things have been busy lately. Between the new job (still fabulous, just fabulously busy!) and trying to finally take this dating thing seriously again, I feel like I've been burning the candle at both ends. I miss writing though, and it's always good for helping me work out things that I've had on my mind, so I'm hoping to get some time for it soon. But at the same time, my gorgeous sister will be in town this weekend and we'll probably be busy noshing and shopping and gossiping. So, who knows when I'll get around to some blogging.

In the meantime, I have a quick Fashion Friday post. And what's better on a Friday at the end of a short week than to bitch about the weird shit people do en masse that seems to make no sense. Sometimes a trend emerges here and there that really makes me wonder if people even think for themselves. I tend to feel this is more pervasive in D.C., in general, but I don't know why. Without explanation, people seem to think, "oh, that is THE bag I'm supposed to carry" and then everyone latches onto it like it's part of a uniform. I don't get it.

For example:

1. Stop carrying nylon Longchamps totes. They're ugly, boring and shapeless and you look like a mindless clone carrying that thing around. I mean, honestly, if you want to throw $100 at a work bag, there are much better options you could go with. In fact, that sounds like a good topic for a post soon.

2. Why does anyone wear TOMS? (No, I will NOT link to them.) They're ugly and unflattering and cheap looking. Why, people, why? I don't care how many fucking sequins you put on it or if you try to guise it as a ballet flat, they still look like something you picked up at the bargain bin at Payless.

As an aside, one of my friends recently told me that she fell hard for a guy when she first met him and then proceeded to describe his outfit, which included TOMS. I stopped listening right then and focused on how soon I could get the bill, pay and get out of there to another happy hour or something, because CLEARLY I NEED NEW FRIENDS. Gross.

Every trend is not for every person. Try and keep this in mind when you go shopping. Just because neon pink or a peplum skirt doesn't look good on YOUR body, doesn't mean you can't be trendy. You just maybe can't wear those trends. The best suggestion I can ever give someone about improving their look is to know their body and what works well on it, and then try to fit trends into that. Too many people try it the other way around and try to force their bodies to fit the trends. Quite frankly, there are very few people who can pull off floral pants and you're probably not one of them.

Go with what works for you, not just what you see everyone else wearing or what you think you're supposed to be wearing (personally, I cannot fathom a midi skirt ever flattering me) and you'll be miles ahead of so many of the clones marching the streets out there.

Unless, of course, you think TOMS look good on you. If you truly think those things flatter your foot, send me a picture to prove it and I'll gladly post it here and eat my words. But most likely, I'll tell you to donate those things and go buy yourself some real fucking shoes.

Happy Friday!